Thursday, December 17, 2009

What's in the news today?

Don't forget to breathe a little less so you can help reduce the amount of man-made carbon in the air and lower your carbon footprint as much as possible. One thing is for sure and that is that there is a lot of hot air on the subject of global warming. See Arnold Schwarznegger versus Sarah Palin for this one. I wrote about this so I won't continue to bitch but I will say that I wish I had some of those people preaching climate change right here right now so we could have afternoon tea out in the balmy 19 degree weather.

What else is in the news? Ah yes; Iraqi insurgents have figured out a way to hack into the video streams sent by Predator drones so they may see the areas the drones are flying over and be able to avoid attack themselves. What incredible piece of technology are these people using to break the U.S. military's highly encrypted video and audio code you ask? It's a thing called a 'Sky Grabber' and it was designed to take video, audio, and Internet signals out of the air. It was developed by a Russian man who said he never thought of it being used to capture military intelligence at all. That sounds very plausible when you find out that the military DOES NOT ENCRYPT THEIR VIDEO CODE BEING SENT BACK FROM THE DRONES!!!! Jesus, where do these people go to school? They knew about the problem as far back as the 1990's when the drones were first employed in Bosnia, but the Pentagon in its infinite wisdom decided that enemy forces would not figure out this weakness and be able to exploit it. How arrogant is it to think that your enemy (one you cannot name and cannot destroy) won't be able to figure out something so simple that a $26.00 piece of hacking equipment can break into it? Pretty fucking arrogant is my thought. The good news is that I am going to order a Sky Grabber and see if I can watch some illegal porn on my TV. Bethie, if your reading this, I'm just kidding about watching porn and I only wrote it for comedic effect.

Chris Henry, a receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals has died after being ejected from the back of a moving pickup truck he was riding in which his fiance was allegedly driving. It seems there was some sort of domestic dispute between the man was referred to by a judge as a 'one man crime wave" and his beautiful bride to be,(Loleini Tonga)and he jumped in the back of the truck as she was peeling out. Looking at her postings on her MySpace page and it doesn't seem possible. Based on her firm grasp of the English language I would have thought that these two would be the co-heads of the local Mensa group. You have to try damn hard to write shit fucked up on purpose you know that? Like writing 'dis' instead of 'this' or 'gangsta' instead of 'gangster'. Ironically, Miss Tonga had written on her MySpace page how good God is recently. God, apparently didn't get the message and let her drive off with her boyfriend in the back of the truck bouncing around like some illegal immigrant getting smuggled in over a bad road. So much for being an NFL wife now Honey.

The Vermont Supreme court is looking into a case that will decide just what a pet is worth to families. A couple whose dog was shot and killed after straying onto a neighbors yard is suing the man in much the same way parents would file a civil suit against someone for the loss of a child. While it is certainly sad to have something like this happen to a beloved pet, these people that don't have children need to stop thinking that their animals are the same thing as kids. I can tell you right now that until you hold a child in your hands that you made with another human being you just won't get it, but once you do, you'll know exactly what I mean. It becomes instantly clear to you that a pet is a wonderful companion, but it isn't a child. It's rather insulting to me when someone thinks their dog or cat is the same thing as a child. That is a person that has no sense of perspective and needs to seriously look at the way the really real world is. This couple in Vermont has decided that the 76 year old man who shot their dog with an air rifle needs to be punished financially and not just to cover the cost of the vet bill and cremation service for their lost dog. I hope they don't have any other animals roaming around the streets. I would hate to get sued if I ran over a cat because these two think Mitzy the walking flea bag is as important as a child. Don't get me wrong, I am not a hater of animals in the least. I have a dog and have had cats. My sister just lost a cat to a tumor and I know how much she loved little Abbey. I loved her, she was an awesome cat and deserved to be loved as much as you can love any pet. I am just saying that it irks me when someone thinks that an animal is on the same level as a child when it comes to love and life and death.

That's all for now, I need to go have a nappy before work tonight.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

There's a lot of hot air in here

Am I the dumbest asshole that ever walked the planet or is it most everyone else? Do the majority of the people you know actually believe in global warming? I am guessing they don't spend too much of their time in the northeastern part of the U.S. because if they did they wouldn't feel none too fucking warm most of the time.

Anyone else notice that it isn't even called global warming anymore? No, the figurers who do all the figuring figured they would have an easier sell if they changed 'global warming' to 'climate change'. I don't buy into any of it but it seems extraordinarily weak to me. If you really believe the planet is heating up and you really believe it is because of mankind then stick to your convictions and say so. I think they started calling it climate change to counter people like me who argue that warming and cooling trends are part of the planets natural cycle and that neither is more dominant or prevalent than the other. In other words, it gives them an answer no matter what and it makes their argument seem infallible.

Last week or thereabouts it was revealed that e-mails had been stolen from a scientist who supports the argument of global warming. Those e-mails suggest that more than a little of the information about climate change was exaggerated if not outright false. The main stream media immediately went into action as did a few senators but it was not to talk about the audacity of scientists who would make something up to fool the public. No, they decided it would be better for their public image to lay the blame on the person who stole the e-mails in the first place. Of course this was after all these same media outlets ignored the story and didn't have anything to say until Jon Stewart of all people broke the story on his editorial style comedy show. That's sad. Basically, the rest of the media was embarrassed into saying something because otherwise it would like they missed the story or just didn't want to report the news. It's funny how those news groups have gone from reporting the news to reporting what they want to report and then only with their specific slant on it.

It's sad that these people can't accept defeat when they are not supposed to be trying ti win anything. They are only supposed to be reporting the news as it happens and saving the opinions for people like me that are free to report with any slant I want to put on a story.

At least they still have the cap and trade tax to support. God people, if you do anything at all during the next year, get familiarized with cap and trade and realize just what that means. It sounds all warm and fuzzy to say that we're going to tax the use of petroleum fuels because we want to save the planet and all, but folks need to realize that, based on other countries that have taxes similar to this one, a lot of the money generated by the tax will just go to the general fund to be used as the government sees fit. That's crucial, because then it just becomes another tax and not a tool to actually implement change in anything.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Tigers, and Snow, and Albinos oh my!

Well, after a week and a half of some pretty crappy stomach pains it seems that maybe my no shit dilemma has resolved itself. I hate to say that prematurely, but the fact is that I certainly and not having any trouble with the old number 2 these days and my stomach is not hurting like it was. I still have no idea what the problem was and I don't care as long as I don't have to go through that again.

I don't think that I mentioned this before but I saw my first real live albino a few weeks ago while driving. It was like looking at a teenage version of Edgar Winter. I thought how much it would suck to be that much different from everyone else because albinism only occurs in about 1 out of every 3,000 people. I will say that Maine is a hell of a good place to live if you're an albino because the weather is so fucking shitty here so much of the time you won't have to worry that much about sun exposure.

It's supposed to snow tomorrow and to listen to the weather reports you'd think that no one in this state ever saw a flake of fucking snow. It happens every year and yet, we still hear about how bad and treacherous every storm is supposed to be. God, I wonder what the TV stations in Maine see for extra revenue during the winter months. The number must be pretty high because every time the skies cloud up all we hear about is 'storm watch' this and 'weather alert' that. I think the grocery stores and gas stations are in pretty tight with the TV stations and it wouldn't surprise me one bit if there is a fair amount of kick back going on. Anyway, run out to the store and stock up on bread because this whopping 5-7 inches we're supposed to get might just incapacitate everyone until mud season.

I just saw Cindy Blodgett during the sports segment of the news and all I can say is, "Holy spike-dyke Batman." A spiky blond lesbian cut on a face that isn't all that attractive to begin with is just not a good look. Cindy Blodgett has never been a pretty girl to begin with but now she just looks like a bull dyke in search of a lipstick lesbian china closet to thrash around in. What a hot ass mess.

Does anyone actually give a fuck about Tiger Woods and the mess he's gotten himself into? I know I sure as hell don't. In fact I find myself laughing when I think about the time that some of the media outlets are devoting to such a fucking non-story. Helloooooooo, the economy is in shambles, the president associates with known communists, and soldiers are dying overseas and here we are worrying about Tiger Woods and what gold diggers he's sticking his cock into? Really? We're in trouble folks when shit like this even makes the news considering what else is going on that could and should be talked about. Oh well, at least Tiger takes the spotlight off Obama and his follies for a little bit.

If you like the old children's classic Christmas special, 'Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer', then please let me recommend another great show to you. It is called, 'Rudolph, the Five-Legged Reindeer' and it is destined to be a classic as well. Here is the link: (Oh, I should mention that this is slight adult content and not for the kiddies. Be forewarned.)

Until next time, enjoy this video and Merry Christmas Mother Fuckers!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Holy Shit Batman! (I wish)

Has anyone ever eaten a 10 pound cheese wheel in one sitting and survived? I feel like I have done that. I can't shit. It's been days since I had what I would call a normal event on the hopper.

I think someone snuck into my room at night an hooked me up to an I.V. of Wisconsin Sharp or maybe a Cheese Wiz slow drip.

Right now I am trying one of the older more homemade remedies for this problem and that is, molasses and hot water. I have no idea if it will work but it actually tastes good enough to be habit forming. I would not think that anything that moves as slow as molasses (which admittedly, moves faster than I do most days) could help to flush the body out but I am willing to try it.

The next step will be to go to the dreaded medical community for help and that scares me right shitless. (Pun definitely intended.) Those ray-tays are apt to tell you they need to give you an enema and end up re-sectioning part of your guts for you. I hate to shit on the hospital in Skowhegan, but they don't call that place Ready To Scare You instead of Redington Fairview without reason. Holy crap I can't believe I just said I hate to shit on that place. I have really got poop on the brain it seems. Damn, I just said poop.....and one sentence. What the shit is going on?

My grandmother. who actually likes the place, had to have a couple rings cut off her fingers there and they didn't have a doctor or tool qualified to do the job. Hey, ever notice how the words doctor and tool are sometimes interchangeable? Anyway, they had to call in the maintenance man with his Dremel tool to cut the ring off. She got burned and blood poisoning and holy shit don't take me to Skowhegan.

I am off to the bathroom to see what develops although I am not expecting mush. I mean much.

Monday, November 30, 2009

'Schoooooooool's out; FOREVER!'

Today I passed in the last test of the last class toward my associates degree in pulp and paper technology. It has been a damned long time since I started taking those classes but it is over now and I am ready to celebrate a little.

Does this mean that on all those questionaires I am always filling out I can stop checking off the 'some college' box and start checking the 'some more college' box when it ask me what my education is? I think it does. It's funny that they always ask that because some of the smartest people I have ever met had the least amount of formal training. Weird huh?


The title to this is from an Alice Cooper song and if you didn't know that you may have not had too much formal eduaction yourself as every kid around is singing this song every May and June.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

What are you thankful for? I ask myself that question every year on Thanksgiving, even though I know I should be asking it much more often. Despite my cynical nature and the fact that it seems like I bitch about everything here, I am quite thankful for a lot of things. I piss and moan in my writings because it is my vent. I write down the things that piss me off instead of drinking them away or loading up a large caliber hunting rifle and heading to the local mall.

I am thankful for my wife and my children. They are the reason that I keep going and why I don't mind working seven days a week between my job and my fledgling business. I want my kids to remember that they didn't want for much when they were growing up. The hard part is instilling a sense of work ethic in them at the same time. I want my kids to understand that hard work usually offers the greatest rewards even if that is not always the case. Sometimes the hard work of Mom and Dad becomes the kid's rewards.

I am thankful for my parents and sister. I am thankful that we still live close to each other and that no one is more than a matter of minutes away rather than hours. I am thankful that my sister and her husband still live here and not away, because I know that someday that could happen. It's always a possibility when one person is from away to begin with, so it is nice to see that they are still here.

I am thankful for all the help and friendship I have from my dad. He has been invaluable to me in trying to get things off the ground and he has as much or more enthusiasm for the things I dream up as I do.

I am thankful that I have a job, and a damned good one at that. There's not much more to say about this, but it is an understatement just the same.

I am thankful for my extended family as they have always treated me like I was one of them from the beginning.

I am thankful for many things and while I will be resorting to my more cynical ways after this post, I thought I would mention some of them.

Have a nice Thanksgiving folks.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Judging a book by its cover.

The first thing I would say to those that read this would be to watch this episode of SNL. At least see the opening monologue and the SNL digital short which was completely hilarious.

Okay, about a week ago or so I was in Skowhegan and I needed to go to Wal Mart even though I claim to hate the place. I know that if I really tried I could do most of my shopping without having to go into that beacon of American monopolies, but it would be damned hard I think. After I got what I needed (or left wishing they had had what I wanted only to find that, once again, they didn't) I left the parking lot and headed toward Madison Avenue to make my way home.

I found myself behind a Jeep Cherokee looking at a pair of window stickers in the rear window. The first sticker, on the right side of the window, said 'Silly boys, Jeeps are for girls.' I let off the gas pedal and started to back off anticipating the girl driving the Jeep was talking on her precious cell phone and might forget that she was driving at a moments notice. I saw something that made me speed up a little instead and that was the sticker on the other side of the window. It said, 'When I have sex it's so good even the neighbors need a cigarette.' I chuckled and then a thought occurred to me. I decided I needed to see the owner of this brazen sticker.

I followed the Jeep halfway across town trying not to look like I was following her, which is exactly what I was doing. I would hate to be labeled a stalker but I was curious to see just what this person looked like considering the boldness of her sticker in her Jeep made for girls.

She pulled into the parking lot where Tractor Supply is located and drove up and around toward the Chinese restaurant before finally parking in front of one of the town's two 'dollar' stores. I admit that should have been a warning sign right there but I guess I didn't make the connection. I have a theory about people and 'dollar' stores. My theory is that there ain't no hotties shopping at the dollar stores except maybe the kind that are too young to be looking at in the first place. As far as those types go, I may be a lot of things but a pedophile, I am not.

Anyway, the woman (notice how I went from calling her a girl to a woman? It bears mentioning, considering.) got out of her handcrafted Jeep for Ladies and I was not surprised at what I saw. She looked to be about 50 and was closing in on BMW status quickly. For those of you that don't know, a BMW is a Big Maine Woman, and like I said, this woman was approaching that phase of her life rather quickly. She had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and was pretty scary looking to say the least. I say I wasn't surprised and I wasn't but I was a little disappointed. I figure that if you have a sticker like she had on your vehicle, you better be one hot looking chickie.

The weird thing is that I started to see some realism in that sticker as I thought about it. I figure that a woman that looks like she did probably goes so long in between the times that she actually has sex that it just might be that damned good when she finally gets some sucker in her bed. The neighbors probably need more than just cigarettes when she has sex. They probably need ear plugs and some Vicks to put under their noses to block out the smell of hot sex and ass. Things that make you go ewww right?

I am going to get a sticker that says, 'When I have sex it last 32.5 seconds, and then I take a nap. Sometimes my wife is there for it, sometimes, it's just me and old Rosy Palmer. I am too tired afterward to need a cigarette and I have no idea what the neighbors think of all the screaming or the sudden stopping of it.' Wow, that's going to be a big window sticker. Maybe I need to shorten it a bit. How about, 'When I have sex...Ha ha ha, who am I kidding?' Yeah, I like that better.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

That's so gay, I mean stupid. Ahh fuck it, I mean gay!

I saw this ad on TV last night and found it online today and just couldn't help but add my two cents.

I have no problem whatsoever with gay people and I recently voted in favor of allowing gays to get married in Maine. I just wanted to say that before anyone tries to peg me as a homophobe or some other anti-gay person.

What I do have a problem with is Wanda Sykes telling me what I should and shouldn't say. It wasn't that long ago that she stood up at a presidential dinner for Obama and told all of America that she hopes Rush Limbaugh suffers from kidney failure and then made a joking reference to Rush's addiction to pain pills. That's fair enough I suppose but here she is in this commercial telling people not to say something is gay when they mean that something is lame or stupid. Who made her the judge of what is appropriate and what is not? Fuck you Wanda Sykes and your two-faced commentary. I think you telling me how to talk is gay.

Tell you what Miss Sykes, you get all the black people in this country to stop calling each other niggers and hos and I will immediately stop ever using the word gay unless it refers to being happy or homosexual. Deal?

This country will be a lot better off when we stop being so fucking politically correct and start fixing real problems instead of the ones we continue to make up.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

I got you under my wheels....

I'd like to think that I am mature enough to not draw the wrong conclusion about women and driving but sometimes I can't help it. There is enough video evidence these days to show that some (and I do mean SOME not all) women should not be driving. I know there are men that shouldn't be driving as well but there just doesn't seem to be as much evidence out there to support that argument.

Here are a few examples of what I am talking about and my comments below them. Watch the videos first if you don't want any spoilers from my comments:

This one is precious not only because of the drive off but because I am willing to bet that the girl driving the BMW was on a cell phone when this happened. Who teaches their kid to just drive off after an accident like this? Probably the same person who put their kid/spouse in this kind of vehicle in the first place right? Sure, she could have bought it herself, but I am thinking anyone with the brains to have a job where she could afford this vehicle in particular would probably have enough sense to not drive over 2 fucking cars in the parking lot.

This one is older but certainly worth mentioning. Excuse me but how in hell do you manage to roll a car over while pulling into a parking area? If I had to throw a guess I would say that this poor girl was inept at best at driving a stick shift.

This next to last one is just pictures but there are some nice ones for sure.

This video isn't exactly a bad woman driver as she does a pretty good job even if her moves are a bit unorthodox. It's long but worth watching for a good laugh or two.

Friday, November 13, 2009

You have the right to...just about anything...

Two reasons why this country is so fucking awesome and so fucking screwy at the same time:

Major Nidal Malik Hasan. This is the asshole who shot and killed 13 people at Ft. Hood this past week and is now in the hospital after having been shot himself. The fact that he was able to get into the military, display questionable behavior, and openly question the role of Muslim U.S. soldiers, shows how fucked up he is and how fucked up the country is for letting someone like this even on a military post.

Here is what makes us a great nation even in this tragedy: After Hasan was shot and wounded, he was given first class medical treatment to save his life and then taken to a hospital and given round the clock intensive care and military and federal protection to keep someone from sneaking in there and killing him. Since he has awoken from his wounds and has started talking, he has refused to talk to investigators and has asked for a lawyer.

How many countries around the world would have given Hasan all this after what he did? I am guessing not too many unless they have the same laws and freedoms that we have regarding the right to an attorney. I don't agree with it all the time but everyone is entitled to be treated the same way just the same. I can imagine a lot of countries out there where Hasan would have been taken down and then someone would have just walked up to him laying on the ground and put another bullet right between his eyes. Personally, I am all for that kind of justice when a crime like this has been committed but that's just me.

The second thing that is really fucked up that's on my mind is the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas. These are the fuckheads that protest almost everything in the name of God and carry signs that say things like, 'God hates fags', and 'God hates the U.S.A.', and 'U.S.A. = fag nation'. It seems that the level of sliminess that these people are willing to go to, to state their position has no bottom.

Here's the great thing about America though. These assfucks can stand outside a place with their signs and say all they want and it's all legal. We have freedom of speech and so do they. As long as they don't hurt anyone physically or destroy property or commit other crimes, they enjoy the right to shit on everyone all they want. It's infuriating to me to see people using religion the way they are, but sometimes I think they embody more of Christianities true motives than most people are willing to let on.

Anyway, that's all for now. Remember to always vote and inform yourself by whatever means you can.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

You coming or what?

Recently, SNL did a skit about PGAD or Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder, which is a problem that affects women. The disorder is pretty much exactly as it sounds and the women who suffer from it are constantly aroused physically and most have several hundred unintended orgasms daily. The skit is hilarious and the last few seconds made me laugh even seeing it the second time. Here is the link to the bit:

While I am sure that having PGAD would be a miserable son of a bitch on a permanent basis, wouldn't it be fun if you could have it every now and then? I think it would be a blast! I haven't seen any evidence to support that any men suffer from this disorder nor have I been able to find a way to induce it onto oneself. Damn!

I know it would make family get togethers and going out with couples a unique experience to say the least.

"Hey we're having dinner at my house this weekend, you coming?"

"As a matter of fact I am. Right now."

"But, it's not until this weekend Rita."

"Oh, I'll be coming then too. And coming and coming and coming."

"Oh, I get it. You're so silly Rita."

I want to meet someone that has this problem just so I can try and not piss my pants laughing while they are creaming their jeans in the worst places. I want to see someone like this trying to place an order at McDonald's while getting off. That would make my day if I was taking the order. (Speaking of McDonald's, it just occurred to me that I can't remember the last time a male was running the drive-thru taking orders. I wonder why that is?)

If I had PGAD I think the first place I would visit would be the local porn shop. I wonder how long it would take to get arrested just looking at movie covers and rubber dicks. Ha ha! I think a woman could get away with a lot more outrageous behavior in an environment like that than a man ever could.

I doubt that anyone with PGAD will ever see this post but if you do, I am not making fun of you and I am not truly envious of what I am sure is a debilitating disorder. I can only imagine how hard to would be to get through each and every day. However, if you were independently wealthy and didn't have to worry about cash flow, it would be the closest thing a person could come to being a dog and sitting around all day licking themselves. Sorry to any PGAD readers again if you got aroused thinking about licking yourself. I know it aroused me.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Hey Dave, where'd you put that map again? Or, WAKE THE FUCK UP IT'S TIME TO LAND THE PLANE!

Yesterday I said I would post a bit about two pilots who missed their target and here it is.

I'm sure by now you've heard of the two pilots that overshot their target city by oh say 150 miles or so before the ground controllers were able to get in touch with them right? If not here is a link to the story if you wish to see what I am writing about.

The pilot claims that no one was asleep and that they weren't distracted by so called shop talk, but he isn't saying anything else. He won't say why they missed their target and that is probably because his union rep has told him to keep his mouth shut until their lawyers figure out the best way to go forward from here. The most likely thing is that these two pilots nodded off and I would like to say that I can't really blame them because I have a hard time driving to work and back without my eyelids getting heavy on me. However, as a pilot (or any operator of a mass transit machine) you have a responsibility to stay awake on the job.)

At first stories like this seem a little bit comical because no one got hurt, but then it takes on a much more serious note when people start to think about the safety of it all. Although it is a factor, I am not as worried about two pilots falling asleep and the plane crashing into the ground or ocean because jumbo jets typically have autopilots and will fly at altitude for a long time. Also, a good flight crew includes the attendants and they know how long it takes to fly from one airport to another just by virtue of experience, so they will know when something isn't quite right after a while.

What I am concerned about here is someone being a little overzealous at the local Air National Guard base and scrambling a couple F-16's up to take down an otherwise innocent airplane. Everything changed after 9/11/2001 and with this latest incident planes at a local Air National Guard base were put on standby. Fortunately everything was resolved and the fighter jets stayed on the ground. Make no mistake about it though, while no one wants to see a plane get shot down, no one wants to see another one crashed into a sky scraper again either.

If these two did fall asleep then they should just come forward with that and take their lumps like men. Maybe the airlines need to put some kind of loudspeaker in the planes that cannot be turned off and is only to be used by ground control and/or other aircraft if need be. This way when the normal radio communication is lost someone can still holler at the pilots and tell them to friggin' pay attention. What do you think?

Tomorrow, I have a story about musicians, and other artists, who think they are the stewards for what is right and wrong in the world.

Friday, October 23, 2009

This is a short post as I am getting ready for work but I had to put this link in here for my daily laugh. It's mean and nasty and God damned funny all rolled into one. I did something very similar to this when I was a young teenager and I have always felt bad for it ever since but I can still laugh when someone else does it.

Here you go:

After you watch this video check out some of the related videos where people have done some pretty nice remixes of the original.

More later, including a story of a pilot who fell asleep and overshot Hawaii. Turns out he has sleep apnea. Hey, no big deal right....What the fuck?!? The pilot has a condition where he can is exhausted all the time because he can't sleep when he is supposed to? Holy crap! Who's the co-pilot, Stevie Wonder?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Time to make the um, ah, hey what are we supposed to be making here again?

I saw something that instantly caught my eye while reading the news online this morning and just had to mention it. Police in the Lewiston-Auburn area arrested a man who allegedly held up a Dunkin Donuts for an undisclosed amount of cash.

While it may seem like an unusual target for a cash robbery, the first thing that popped into my head was, 'Well, he sure as hell wasn't in there trying to steal doughnuts!'

"What do you mean?", the curious reader asks.

Well, it's no big secret that Dunkin Donuts has pretty much become a great place to get really, really hot coffee and maybe a toasted bagel or two but they have fallen way short on the delivery of doughnuts. At least they have in this part of Maine anyway.

The fucked up thing is that it's not like they are running out of something they don't specialize in, but rather they keep running out of the one thing that they are supposed to be the best at. The word doughnut is in their friggin' name for God's sake, or at least implied. Maybe the misspelling is done on purpose so that when the masses finally revolt, DD can say they never intended for the 'Donuts' part of their name to mean actual doughnuts. That sounds like a conspiracy, but so does a place that was founded on doughnuts actually running out of product.

Imagine a couple different scenarios if you will: You walk into the local Burger King and ask for a Whopper and they tell you they are sorry but they are out of burgers. It's fucking BURGER King, how can you run out of burgers. How about if they told you the salad bar was open at the local Pizza Hut but no such luck on the Personal Pan Pizza. You'd be like, 'What the fuck?!?' I know I would be.

So, how in hell does something like this happen? I don't know for sure but I think it has more to do with the bottom line than even Dunkin Donuts would care to admit. I think that it started long ago when they stopped staying open 24 hours a day except in the bigger towns and cities in order to save on operating costs. It didn't take long for the convenience stores that do stay open all night, to step up to the plate and make sure the coffee was hot and cheap. Along with the decision to close early came the decision of not making doughnuts on site any longer and that hurt more than anything. The doughnuts are now shipped in once a day and when they're gone, they're gone, sorry.

So what do you do when it's midnight and you're craving a coffee and a donut? Do what I do and go to Tim Horton's. The coffee is better, cheaper, and there are always donuts in the racks. Oh, and make sure you tell all your friends that the reason you choose not to shop in a place called Dunkin Donuts is because they can't deliver on that one thing they are supposed to be able to.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Hold on a sec' I'm on the phone.

Check out this Youtube video that I saw this morning and tell me if it pisses you off the way it does me. If it does than I am glad to know that I am not the only one who has a burning hatred for the irresponsible use of cell phones that is so fucking rampant in today's society.

Take two successful actors who are performing a play in what looks like a fairly small venue not because they need the cash but rather because they love what they do and throw in some fuck nut with a ringing cell phone and what do you get?

Here's a suggestion, if you're going to an event such as this (or even the movies or out to eat) how about turning your fucking cell phone off or better yet, leave the stupid thing at home for once. Jesus, people with cells are worse than the biggest meth or heroin addict you've ever heard of. What would some of these people do if they literally could not use their phones for a little while? You'd think it was the end of the world.

Things I have seen involving irresponsible, silly, or just plain ignorant cell phone use:

1.) I saw a girl yesterday pushing a bike down the sidewalk because it is hard to ride and text at the same time. Look if you're more concerned with texting than getting somewhere why not carry something less burdensome than a bike like maybe a paper weight or large glass ash tray? That way when you finally come to the realization of how numb you are for opting to walk and text rather than ride and actually get somewhere you can bash your puny fucking brains in. Idiots.

2.) All the time I see younger people (mostly girls) walking with their friends and yapping on a cell phone. One will be talking a mile a minute while the other one is staring at her own feet because (surprise, surprise) she doesn't have anyone to fucking talk to. How fucking rude can you be than to hang out with one friend while talking to another on the phone? Of course this sight is getting rarer as most people are now seen all hanging out together and all talking on the phone as well. Holy shit, how many people do you know? If I wanted to hangout with one friend and talk to another on the phone at the same time I would most likely be standing beside the very person I was talking to on the phone. I feel bad for my daughter because there will come a time when she is staring at her feet while all her friends that are 'hanging out' with her, all talk to someone else on the fucking phone. Idiots

3.) This summer I saw a girl talking on a cell phone while jogging. I don't mean she was trotting along here and there as she was basically walking either. No, this girl was obviously jogging for exercise. Now, there's a conversation I would love to be on the other end of. Actually I wouldn't mind being on the end of a call involving my wife and a lot of panting and groaning, but not if it is because she is jogging while trying to fucking talk to me. Idiots.

Does anyone else feel a migraine coming on yet?

4.) I saw a girl trying to talk on a cell at a concert. Was it Zamphir, master of the pan flute? No, it was KISS and one of the loudest shows I have ever been too. My ears actually hurt before I put in some ear plugs. (I know, I know. However far my youth may be behind me at least I can still hear all the wonderful new noises my body now makes throughout the day.) So here's this girl screaming into her cell phone, which she answered for some unknown reason, about how she can't hear anything that is being said because she is at a KISS concert. Uh gee, you fucking think so? Idiots.

5.) I had to wait in line behind some asshole with an ear phone at a Dunkin' Donuts to finish his call because that was more important than actually placing an order. That's not only rude, it's damned arrogant to think that no one else is as important as you are and to make everyone else wait for something that could be done elsewhere. I wanted to tell him to get the fuck out of the way so I could actually get my morning coffee and try to lose the feeling of wanting to kill another human being who didn't have the common courtesy to get off the fucking phone for 30 seconds. Idiots.

6.) I followed a woman from the parking lot into a Wal-Mart and she was on the phone. I made it a point to follow her at a distance to see how long she stayed on the phone and when she finished her shopping and got back into her car she was still on the original call. She went through the checkout line on the fucking phone. Wow, as your friendly Wal-Mart cashier it sure makes me feel extra special to know that you can't even get off the phone long enough to make even the smallest of gestures to make me feel like a human being and not an extension of the fucking cash register. The really shitty thing about this was that I had to go back into the store to get what I needed because I had just wasted a half hour following that dumb ass around. Does that make me a stalker? Idiots

The stories go on and on but you get the idea. The point is that people are ignorant assholes for the most part and they should learn some basic etiquette concerning cell phone use. I would like see cell phones licensed with very specific laws about where and when they could and couldn't be used. I would like to see laws passed that allow the use of active cell phone jammers in private businesses in the U.S. so that business owners could decide if they wanted cell phone use in their establishments.

Would people be so interested in yapping on the phone if they still had the corded models hanging off the wall in the kitchen? They treat cell phones like some miracle from the heavens. Get off the fucking cell already, it is just a phone for Christ's sake.

Friday, October 2, 2009

I love you Dad!

Let me take a moment to tell you why my dad is my hero. Well, one of the reasons why he is my hero to be more specific. Dad is one of those rare people who truly can do it all. His most recent accomplishment is building a wood splitter for he and I to use on the winter wood. I gave it a try today and it works as well as or better than any other splitter I have ever used.

Dad isn't the first person to build a homemade wood splitter and he certainly won't be the last but I am still as impressed as I can be because I don't think I could have done it. The thing is that building a wood splitter is probably one of the easier things he has done and what I love about Dad is that he won't be satisfied with his design until it is just the way he wants it. Another thing that I love about Dad is that no matter what idea I come up with to improve the design he already has it covered in one way or another. Some people might take that personally but I take it with a sense of awe and admiration because it shows me just how smart the old man is. I've long said that I don't believe there's a thing he can't do and if he plays it off that way it's just because he really doesn't want to do it. I'm onto you Pops.

Thinking about Dad and his abilities is bittersweet for me because I know that someday he won't be there for me and I honestly can't imagine what I am going to do without him here to help me. I was thinking about that today when I was sawing and it was almost too much to take. I had to remind myself that Dad is here and most likely will be for a good many years to come to pull myself out of it. The very possibility of the future reality was enough to choke me up and make me blue.

I try to learn something from Pop every time we get together whether it is tangible knowledge of how things work or just listening to stories from his past. I try to imagine being there and wish with all my being that I was. In fact, I find myself wishing that I could go back in time about 30 years and do it all again, and then do it again and again after that.

I feel much sorrow for those people who don't have that one person in their life any longer whom they wish more than anything could still be here. I feel that way about several people but I am already worrying about what I am going to do when Dad isn't here any more. What I do is push those thoughts to the back of my brain and wish him the best of health so that he may live longer than I do. I know that no parent wants to lose a child but this is one child that doesn't want to lose his Dad. Jesus, can I possibly say it any better than that?

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Do you Bob, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?

This November Mainers will have the chance to vote on one of the most talked about issues in many years to hit the ballets. The issue is that of gay marriage. As you may or may not know, Maine recently passed a law allowing same sex marriage and through the democratic process that we enjoy here we know have a chance to vote on whether or not we will keep this law as it stands.

It's no big secret that I tend to lean to the right politically but I have to say that I just don't understand the whole anti-gay thing in this country or the world for that matter. Maybe it is because my religious beliefs are lacking or maybe it is just the way that my brain works but I think that people who are gay are gay by design and not by choice. Gay people have continuously been persecuted throughout history and considering that, who in hell would choose to be gay. I hate the term 'lifestyle choice' because I don't think that being gay is a choice or a lifestyle any more than I think being straight is. If you think that a person chooses to be gay then it should be fair to assume that the opposite of that is true as well right? If think that gay people have chosen to be that way I have a question for you. When did you make the choice the be straight? At what point in your own life did you sit down and seriously think about what gender you were going to be attracted to? I had someone who believes that being gay is a choice tell me that they never chose to be straight they just always knew they were. I was like, 'Helllooooo, are you seeing my point here?'

Regardless of whether you think being gay is a matter of genetics or choice why should that matter if they are allowed to get married or not? I am so sick of hearing about the sanctity of marriage and how it is supposed to be between a man and a woman and all such other bullshit. The problem with all of this crap is that it is so steeped in religious background that the people who can't get through each day without their bibles cannot possibly imagine that the world isn't exactly as the good book tells them it should be. They spout off about the Bible being God's word and how God abhors gay people and that it can only be a choice because that's what the bible says. It's a dogma for them to consider that even though God made everyone and everything he couldn't possibly have created homosexuals because of his hatred for them. Somehow thinking of God hating anything goes against everything that I have ever learned about Christianity.

If the religious zealots of this land really want to protect the sanctity of marriage perhaps they should start by encouraging straight people who get married to stay married. What happened to the big uproar over people living together 'in sin'? That has been pushed to the side by the issue of gay marriage. Maybe the sanctity of marriage should be unions that last instead of ending up in painful divorces. In other words, don't point your fucking fingers at what other people want to do until you can get your own messes cleaned up.

I plan on voting to keep the law the way it is written because if two people want to be married regardless of their sexual orientation, then who am I to judge them. What power has been bestowed upon me or any other person to say whether or not someone can or can't get married just because they are gay? If the religious right would remember something from their Bible they would not be so righteous in their attitudes. That something states that a person should not cast stones unless they are free from sin themselves. How many people are truly free from sin according to the gospels in the Bible? Not too damn many if you think about it.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Can't you smell that smell?

Is there anything better than being able to type while watching and listening to music videos online? My sister-in-law bought us a new computer for my kid's birthday and it has a 22" screen which means I have enough room for several pages to be displayed at the same time. I am liking this a lot but you'll have to excuse me if I start typing about whatever song is playing currently.

To the topic of the day. Recently (By recently I mean within the last 3 months because time becomes pretty relevant to how many days a week I am working. Lately I have been working seven days a week hence the reason I am not posting here much.) I found myself in L.L. Bean's replacing yet another coffee mug with a broken lid. Bethie keeps telling me that I don't realize how strong I am and while I don't know about that I do know that I want the lids on my coffee mugs tight and leak free, and I think someone needs to make a mug that I can crank on as tight as I wish without worrying about breaking it because it is made out of plastic. Considering all that I will say that the mug is made by Stanley and is a double wall design and pretty much the best coffee mug I have ever used. It keeps my coffee hot for a ridiculously long time and that is why I have gone back for a new one every time I break one.

After I returned and replaced the coffee mug I needed to use the restroom before we left for home. I went into the bathroom that was closest to the fishing and hunting to make room for more coffee. L.L. Bean has decided in an apparent effort to be a green company that it would be in the planet's best interest to install water free urinals. Never mind the fact that many of the items on the shelves at Bean's are made in China which is one of the worst stewards of the planet on the planet. It's a little ironic isn't it? I love Bean's but what happened to only selling things made here in this country?

If you're not sure what a water free urinal is or how it works, it is exactly what it sounds like. The look is pretty much the same as a standard urinal but there is some sort of little cover where the drain normally is. The idea is that the urinal doesn't need to have any water and that piss will simply flow away, gone forever. The little sign on the wall claimed that the water free urinals save over 40,000 gallons of water per year, which sounds great in theory but lacks a little in truth as far as I am concerned. Water used to flush toilets or wash clothes and dishes isn't destroyed and will filter itself out as it flows back through the ground.

The problem that I have with the water free urinal is that they are also free of something else and that is being odor free. There is nothing worse than using a urinal and having to smell hot piss wafting back up at you. It's not just your own piss either but everyone else too as there is no fucking water to flush it all down. How about putting a nice urinal cake in there for target practice and then at least it would smell like something clean and not piss. Here's a better idea; how about using 1,000 of those 40,000 gallons a year saved to flush the urinals out once a day or whatever? If a company really cares about using less water then I applaud them but why go completely water free? What's next, water free sinks? Instead of nice hot water and soap they could just have industrial size tubs of Purell or some other such hand sanitizer. I don't care if the piss on my hands is germ free if it is still on my hands!

The real issue here is that companies like Bean's have figured out a way to drastically reduce their monthly water bill and still be able to play it off as something green and good for the earth. I would appreciate the water free urinals much more if they would just say that on the little sign I am reading as I try to hold much lunch down while bathing is pissy aromas.

I don't see myself running to the local Home Sleaze Hole to buy a water free toilet when these finally hit the market and you just know they will. The same people that are pushing the compact fluorescents down our throats will bring this to people's home as well. These people can't help it and I don't blame them for caring, but if they got regular jobs and stopped trying to 'save the planet' it would make my life a whole lot easier.

Friday, September 25, 2009

I wanna' live for never

Tonight we took the kids to see the movie 'Fame' which I assume is a remake of the original movie of the same name from the 1980. I don't remember ever seeing the original because I just wasn't into musicals then and even less into chick flick musicals. I know this may make you wonder if there are musicals that aren't chick flicks and to that I would have to say yes. 'Chicago' and the 'Producers' both are great examples of musicals that I would not consider to be chick-flicky at all. 'Mama Mia' on the other hand.....

As I said, I don't remember seeing the original so I cannot make a comparison to the remake but I am willing to bet that the original was better just the same. It had to have been better because if it were worse than the remake they never would have made the remake in the first place. Or should I say the second place?

See, when movie makers do a remake of a movie I fully expect the remake to be as good or better than the original if for nothing else than for better graphics and digital sound.

Today's 'Fame' was pretty lame. I better be careful or that poet is going to break out all the way and ruin your whole damn day. Oops, there it goes again, I'll try and do better my friend.

I will say this much about the new movie: The performances within the film were excellent and showcased the talents of many of the actors in the film. Having said that, the people who made the movie need to go back to school. In fact, it seems a little odd that the people who made a movie about young actors, dancers, musicians, and film makers could spend a few years in the very school featured in the film.

The problem with Fame is that it has no depth of character. The characters hardly get developed and what little insight we see into them leaves one wanting more. There is one character in particular that I kept waiting for to have this big emotional breakthrough and it just never happens. Not only does it not happen, but the director doesn't even make you think it happened. Another character reminds me of the typically ugly duckling because you just know that she is full of talent and you're going to see it break out of her before the movie is over. Unfortunately, while she can sing well, it isn't the kind of thing that will knock your socks off. For anyone who is still bound and determined to see this movie after reading this, I am not talking about the black girl who I thought was a wonderfully talented singer.

Well, that's my view and I welcome yours but I don't think I'll be buying this one when it hits the shelves, which I am sure will be in time for the holiday shopping season.

On separate note, I am trying to get back into the habit of writing here on a more regular basis but as I may or may not have said before, I am busy outdoors when the weather is good and I don't get to spend much time on here until the weather turns foul again. Like anyone gives a fuck right? Ha ha. I am so presumptuous sitting here thinking that people are actually reading this.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

A little slice of Mayberry part 1

I just saw a story on Yahoo news about the ten best places to grow up in this country. They listed ten towns and cities across the land which were picked based on safety and low crime and activities for kids to be involved in as they grow. They picked Boston as one of the ten because of its history but I don't know if it would have made my list because it isn't the safest place to live as an adult let alone raise children in. Any city that had an area known as 'the combat zone' doesn't sound all that kid friendly to me.

This list of good places to raise kids made me think of one more place that I would like to see added to it, and that is Maine. Not just a city in Maine or a town, but the whole state. Maine is one of those places where innocence still thrives and people can be who they want to be. I can't think of many places any safer to raise kids with the same abundance of activities. The difference is in the activities themselves. We don't have as many urban activity centers as other states do but is that such a bad thing?

Crime in Maine is at one of the lowest rates per capita in the nation with violent crime being equally low and that is a huge plus as far as raising kids goes.

In Maine kids are more likely to be hurt riding on snowmobiles, dirt bikes, ATVs, or working around the farm or log yard than they are by some criminal activity. You never want to hear about any kid getting hurt but you surely don't want to hear about them getting killed because of illicit activities.

The problem with Maine as most people see it is that there aren't any jobs and parents are too busy to try and make their kids find things to do to occupy themselves. Kids are plugged in today and if they can't have their cell phones, Internet, and video games they just aren't interested in anything going on around them. Maine is a hard state to live in at times because of the job situation and the weather we get and the fact that so many of the good places to live are rural in nature and that keeps a lot of people away. Is that a problem? I don't think so. I think that if someone moves to Maine and can put up with the bullshit in order to reap the rewards this state has to offer than that means that person is serious about being here.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Things you won't see in Maine, hopefully.

A while ago I wrote about the ridiculous size of sunglasses and I wanted to touch base on that one again. I have included a picture that not only shows how big sunglasses have become but also how small bikinis are becoming as well. Observe:

This picture makes me think of several things and believe it or not they do not involve any fantasies I have about girls in bikinis in general or specifically. The first thing that I am wondering about is why even bother with this kind of bikini bottom? Any bottom that shows that much of your twat is not really a bottom at all but looks more like the girls put their thongs on backwards. (Isn't twat a great word? Not quite as bad as cunt but still nasty enough to put a funny taste in your mouth. Ooh, that's funny.) They are blonds after all and I suppose anything is possible, but consider this. Wearing a bathing suit like these would be like a man wearing a bathing suit that covered his cock but let one nut hang out each side of the fabric. While that would be equally as funny as this picture is, what would the point be? When you have reached the point where you are failing to cover up the things that a bikini is supposed to be covering up why not just go to a nude beach and frolic in the buff. These bikinis show more flesh and underpinnings than some lingerie out there. I’m not talking about classy and sexy lingerie either but the nasty shit you find in the back of skin mags. The stuff that may or may not have already been worn when you order it.

The second thing I think of is the way girls bitch about g-strings because they can’t stand the constant wedgie feeling, and I have to laugh at what these bathing suits must feel like. Ladies, when you split the hoof like that does it give you the urge to pick at it like you do your ass when your undies start riding up? I can’t imagine how you would begin to embrace the feeling of having your cracks flossed front to back like that. I will say that for the small percentage of women out there that don't mind that feeling than it must make for a pretty hassle free wearing experience, as everything that is riding up into nether regions is doing so by design and doesn't need to be picked and pulled at constantly.

The third and most important thing that I wonder about when I look at this picture is the guy on the towel in the background. What exactly is going on in his field of view short of total nuclear war that would distract him from the view that I am seeing in front of him? I realize that I have just made a couple points about how ridiculous these bathing suits are but I am still a guy and I would be staring like a monkey eyeballing an overripe banana in a four year old kid’s hand. I would be staring because as much as anything, you just don’t see something like that every day where I come from and frankly, you wouldn’t want to. That's where the title to this piece comes from. I say hopefully only because if bikinis like this show up on Maine's beaches it won't be girls like this wearing them unfortunately. We don’t call the plus sized girls around here BMWs for nothing, (BMW stands for Big Maine Woman) and the last thing I want to see is some chick with a huge old muffin top trying to divide and conquer her pussy lips with a piece of cotton floss. The funny thing is that with a big girl the strings on that bikini would disappear into more cracks and folds than just the front and back and she might end up looking like she actually was completely naked. A BMW can make a regular bikini bottom look like a damn thong just by virtue of the stretch factor so you can imagine the strain that would be placed on something like this stringy piece of nothingness.

On a final note concerning bikinis in general maybe someone could explain something to me. A girl will wear a bikini to the beach and run around all day picking the seat of her ass because the bottom is too small and adjusting the top because her tits are too big and not have a problem with any of it. However, take the same girl and put her in regular clothes and look at her be mortified if a button on her blouse is open and someone can see her bra. I wouldn’t think that a girl who wears some skimpy bathing suit at the beach or pool would mind her underwear being exposed which is usually a lot more conservative and a lot less revealing as a result. What gives?

Monday, August 17, 2009

The people have spoken...and continue to do so.

Well fuck-a-loo and how do you do, it looks like once in a while things can get better after they go to shit. Our wonderful new president, Barry Obama of Barry's Used Car Sales, has finally seen the light and is backing off from his socialized medicine plan for all. It seems that he is going to shift from forced government health care for all to some sort of coop health care whatever that means, but the real meat of the story is that he is finally getting the word that socialized medicine is not what the people want.

I think the real problem is not universal health care as much as it is that we Americans don't particularly like being told what we can and can't do and how and when and where it will all happen. This country was not founded on the government running our lives, in fact it was founded on the idea that those early Americans wanted way less government in their lives. How in hell did we go from wanting to be free of government rule to expecting Washington to babysit us all? The democrats have been busy shooting themselves in the foot for the past few weeks by saying some pretty outlandish things about the throngs of people that have been going to town hall meetings to oppose the idea of universal health care. They have called these people un-American, part of the KKK, and Swastika wearing Nazis, among other heinous things. Nancy Pelosi was the one who said it was un-American to be against this health care reform bill. The Dems have not been able to accept that maybe people just want to be heard and that maybe it's the majority of people who are talking the loudest about this particular item instead of the other way around.

As much as I think we could use better health care management in this country, I still believe that we have as good a medical service as any country in the world. I think all that will change if universal health care is implemented. Why do I think that? I think that because as bad as insurance companies can be at running things the U.S. government has proven hundreds of times over that it is far worse at running things. Right about now, I wouldn't put the feds in charge if organizing a birthday party for my kids. They're the assholes that would put the pinata up and forget to put the fucking candy in and that's who people want to run their health care program? Wow.

Here's a suggestion. If people really want to see how great 'free' health care is all they need to do is take a trip to Maine and see how great the 'Dirigo Health Care' plan works. Let's see, that joke covers about 13,000 people out of a population of over a million and yet it is still broke. Hmm, sounds like something we should do on a national basis to me.

On another good note, several items brought forth by Maine citizens will be voted on this November third so please remember to vote regardless of what side of a particular debate you may fall on.

Here are the items as they read on the state website:

An Act to Decrease the Automobile Excise Tax and Promote Energy Efficiency

“Do you want to cut the rate of the municipal excise tax by an average of 55% on motor vehicles less than six years old and exempt hybrid and other alternative-energy and highly fuel-efficient motor vehicles from sales tax and three years of excise tax?”

An Act to Provide Tax Relief

“Do you want to change the existing formulas that limit state and local government spending and require voter approval by referendum for spending over those limits and for increases in state taxes?”

An Act to Repeal the School District Consolidation Laws

“Do you want to repeal the 2007 law on school district consolidation and restore the laws previously in effect?”

An Act to Establish the Maine Medical Marijuana Act

“Do you want to change the medical marijuana laws to allow treatment of more medical conditions and to create a regulated system of distribution?”

Monday, August 10, 2009

Code Code Go Away

I think my cold is losing it's power and I couldn't be happier to report that because the last two days have been pretty miserable. I think the next time I get a cold like that I think I will find out if I can be put in a medically induced coma until the bug is out of my system. It sucks when all of your days off involve shivering on the couch even though it is in the seventies outside, only to start feeling better just before it is time to go back to work. I don't care what the optimists all say, life is crap and then some.

I had plans today to go to the sawmill and work on the pine some more but I just don't feel well enough yet. As it was I finished moving all the old firewood out of the way so I can start processing this year's wood and that just about wiped me out. I think that I could go and lie down now for the rest of the day and still sleep tonight.

I am going to drop the Subaru off today to have the little surprise done for Bethie. I will talk about the results of that after it is done and she knows about it in the off chance that she should happen to see this post. She doesn't often look at what I write though I wish she would because she could be a good critic if she would take the time to slosh through the tedious stuff. Maybe there isn't anything even worth having a critic for in the first place, but I have reread my own stuff from time to time and thought it was passable for something worth reading. I need to get back to some kind of regular writing but the thing is that I find myself only able to think of the hot political issues of the day and who wants to read that right? The problem with political pundits is that they are preaching to the people who already think like they do and they aren't very often going to change any one's mindset on certain issues, any more than I could change a racist's mind or a person that is anti-gay. I want to get back to writing about the things that make me laugh and have dialogue and short but simple meanings. I started the first couple of chapters of a book with the working title 'David' a few years back but it was just a little too hard to keep it going and the subject material was something that people may have seen a little too often. The story started to take the shape of a veteran from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan but that's not what the original idea was about. The original idea was about a man who was severely limited in a physical capacity but was able to become a hero just the same. It was going to be an action based tale but I wanted it to have some depth as well. I think all our true heroes are the ones that are basically average when not in costume and that appeals to us because it lets us know that sometimes the little guy can win. Anyway, maybe I will go back to that tale and see if I can utilize some of what is already written.

On another note we had a great vacation this year at the coast and it was sad to leave. The weather could have been better but considering the amount of rain we had through the month of May and June, the weather could have been a lot worse too. We went to the Owl's Head Transportation Museum this year and then to the light house of the same name and both were nice with the lighthouse being beautiful. The kids had a great time and we are already looking forward to next years trip. My hope is that we will instill in them a sense of tradition that they will want to keep doing when they are grown with children of their own. If I ever win the Powerball I will have a nice piece of property on Maine's coast so that we can preserve a little of our heritage before the rest of the assholes sell it all off to the idiots from away. Fucking people piss me off and life is crap. Did I mention that already?

Today's video link is called 'Jones' Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage' and is quite funny. Look for the sequel in the related videos section as well:

Until next time...

Sunday, August 9, 2009

I hab a code.

I have a cold. One of those rare summertime head colds that seem to especially kick your ass. Maybe it's just because the weather is so nice out and yet I still feel like I am freezing that makes this cold seem worse than most others.

Last night I took a couple of NyQuil liquicaps and then drank a twisted tea and damn if I didn't still have a bitch of a time falling asleep. I could handle all of the aspects of any cold if I could just get rid of the runny nose and be able to fucking breathe. I could take feeling like my head has been run over by a damn steam roller and the congestion in my chest if I could just breathe through my damn nose. I have trouble breathing through my nose even on the best of days; which I believe is the result of an unfortunate diving accident at a campground when I was just a kid. I hit the bottom of the pool where it slopes from the shallow end to the deep end face first. That was a lesson in making sure you keep your hands in front of you when you dive in a pool and you happen to be as blind as a bat. Anyway, since then I have always had trouble breathing through my nose and when I get a cold it is just about unbearable.

I am listening to Britney Spears and even though I think she is largely a waste I will say that she has the ability to put hit songs on the radio that are catchy and hot. Ooh, Amy Winehouse just came on and holy shit if she doesn't make Britney seem like an innocent little kid with all her antics. What a waste of unique talent. I guess I will have to listen to Adele if I want to hear someone who sounds like Winehouse but doesn't seem to be all fucked up in the head.

I washed the car this morning despite feeling the way I do. Maybe I did it in spite of the way I feel. What I need to do is get over to the sawmill and saw some more lumber but I just don't think I am up to that task today. I think I will lay down for a little while and see how I feel when I get up. I am guessing that today will find me taking care of some firewood and the lumber mill will have to wait until tomorrow.

I want to buy a wood splitter. I am tired of renting and/or borrowing from friends and would like to have my own finally. Especially considering the fact that I cut and split so much wood every years and want to expand this into another business if I can. The splitter I am thinking about is called a Power Horse and is made my Northern Tool and it splits in both directions which would make the work a lot faster for me. This year I am looking to handle the wood at least one less time and that will involve cutting, and splitting as I go and throwing the wood in the back of the truck to be put in the cellar. That would beat cutting and throwing it and then splitting it and throwing it and then putting it in the truck and finally the basement. Ideally I want to buy a processor but I think that is going to have to wait a few more years until I get the sawmill paid for. The problem that I am having now is trying to find enough time in between the rain and work to get all these things done that I am thinking about. It would be easy if it was my only job but of course it isn't and I am not in a position to give up my real job for.

Okay, time to go lay down and wish that the end would hurry the fuck up and get here already. Ugh.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

I'm back! Whoopity Doo right?

Wow, it's been a while huh? What happened? Nothing much, just work and vacation and we finally got a stretch of weather that didn't involve rain 24 hours a day. I would like to think that I could be one the young and unemployed sitting there on their computers and phones, typing and texting and tweeting and all other such bullshit every day of the week but I just don't have the time.

I need to spend more time on these subjects and I will when things are dark outside and I am in for the evening, but for now here are three things to ponder.

1. Have you ever looked in the toilet (or terlet as Archie Bunker called it) when you were sick and wondered to yourself just what the fuck it was you ate that could possibly have come out at that velocity and in that consistency? I know you have whether you will admit or not and I can freely say that I have because I just came from the bathroom. I hope I remembered to wash my four typing fingers.

2. It seems that people are finally waking up to the nightmare of possible socialized medicine. A famous quote reads something like this: "If you think health care is expensive now, wait until it's free." Couldn't agree more.

3. The gay van is finally gone. We traded it in for a new Subaru Outback and I haven't been happier with a vehicle purchase in a very long time. I am actually looking forward to having some snow so Mrs. Moore can see how well the AWD with vehicle dynamic control and traction control all work to make the car go forward and not just sit and spin like that fucking van did. The best part is that I took advantage of the 'Cash for Clunkers' program which is hilarious because I do not support programs like this at all but I am not so much of an idealist that I was going to turn down a rebate of $4500.00 from the president. Now I say, "I sold my van to a black guy for $4500 bucks" in my best Earl Scheib voice. If you don't know who Earl Scheib is than you need to look him up just so you can see who I am imitating.

Anyway, more later but it is another rare and beautiful day and since I worked nights last night I should take advantage of what is left of the afternoon and go do some work.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Sky Is Falling, The Sky Is Falling!!!

I don't know if anyone realizes it or not but the end of the world is at hand. There are at least two movies coming out this summer alone that deal with a world ending event and what happens afterward. One of the movies is called '2012' and it is based on the prediction of the end of the world by the Mayans thousands of years ago. I wonder if they predicted their own demise as well? That would be funny if they dropped the ball on that one. Makes me think of going to see a psychic and having them ask you what your name is. You're the one with fucking esp you tell me what my name is. I think if you can afford to blow the long dollar on a psychic your name may be BigMoney Hungwell. I should be a psychic and charge two hundred dollars per hour. Then each and every client I had I would tell them that they need to watch their wallets because they are going to lose some money very soon if they aren't careful. I wonder how many people would be able to see through that one. I know that for every person that was able to there would be at least a dozen that would buy it hook, line, and sinker.

I am not saying that I don't believe in psychics because that would be a lie. I believe there are plenty of people out there that have some extra sensory powers and they know who they are. Unfortunately, there are plenty of scammers out there too that are more than happy to rip people off.

The other movie is called 'The Road' and it is more about what happens to the few survivors left after the word is destroyed. A couple years ago it was 'I Am Legend' and 'The Day After Tomorrow' was before that and now we have a few more doomsday flicks coming.

To me this proves that the recipe for movie making that was set in the seventies and eighties by the people that made 'Mad Max' and 'Road Warrior' is alive and working just fine.

For one thing, I don't think that the world is going to end in some cataclysmic event that rains fire on us and causes the oceans to boil and blah blah de fucking blah blah blah. I will say that it's a hoot to think about it happening because all the Christian fanatics out there say it isn't true and because Christianity can be the only true religion they can't be wrong right? Of course if they are they will just say that it is God working his wonders in his mysterious ways I guess.

The reason Christians can't get their heads around the idea of the world ending by Mayan prediction is because it would create a dogma for them. There is no way possible that a group of people that predated Christianity could predict the end of the world with their false religion and that just gets their panties all up in a bunch.

Anyway, movies like this are good for the people that think the world sucks and that mankind is to blame and they are more than happy to buy into the belief that something like this will happen. There will always be people that claim the end of the world is coming but they are only half right. The end of people is coming but no one knows when. The world will be here a long long time after we're wiped from the planet. The Earth doesn't give a fuck about us and when we've gone the way of the dinosaurs the planet will go back to whatever passes for normal and things will just start all over again. In another million years of evolution who knows what kind of being will be supreme on the planet.

In the meantime, how about some funny movies from Hollywood? I don't need to go to the theater to see how shitty the world is, I live here. Make me laugh, or cry if you think you can. Show me something powerful that doesn't involve the end of the Earth. If the end of the world is coming in a little over two years there isn't a damn thing that can be done about it now so who gives a shit about that. I am going to keep on keeping on until the end comes or until I get old and die wondering why the end didn't show up sooner.

Friday, July 10, 2009

The running of the mentally deficient

A man was gored to death today at the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain. It seems that a bull became separated from the crowd and the experts of bull running call this a rogue bull. (That almost matches my pen name here by the way.) A rogue bull is more dangerous, according to rogue bull experts, and more likely to charge people than when running in the pack.

I don't know about you but I like to think that any bull that weighs 1,300 pounds, has 18 inch horns, and a bad attitude to boot is more dangerous and more likely to charge people whether it is a rogue bull or not. It's my fight or flight instinct kicking in. In other words I can't see placing myself in front of a herd of charging bulls on purpose. That seems like the shit you dream about when you've had too much cheap wine to drink. The only difference being is that in the dream you'd be running with the bulls in your underwear.

It's unfortunate that someone died today but it drives home Darwin's theory of evolution. It's not only the survival of the fittest but sometimes the smartest as well. There is a phrase that goes something like, 'Strong like bull, smart like rock'. Well, when you're smart like rock but not strong like bull, and you decide to put yourself in the middle of a herd of really pissed off bulls...what do you expect?

How do you preside over that funeral if you're the minister? How do you not call the man a fucking moron for running with the bulls. There are tons of ways to die that don't involve getting trampled and stabbed by a pissed off cow with huge pointy horns; I just don't see the point. See the point, get it? I kill me.

What really matters is that these people keep doing what they are doing to reduce their carbon footprint on the planet by fucking dying. The problem is the moron replenishment rate is far higher than the mortality rate.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Independance Day!!!!

Happy Fourth of July Folks. Please go out and help celebrate the things that America was founded on in the first place.

No ranting about the state of the world or the country on this great day. Just please watch this video about nearly naked fireworks. There is a spot about 48 seconds in that made me laugh till I almost pissed my pants. This story is the way news would be reported every day if I were kind of the freakin' world Baby!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Pretty Fly For A White Guy (or two white guys)

The Supreme Court got one right yesterday. They ruled on a case that made it to the top court in the land that dealt with reverse discrimination and involved Barry-O-Bama's pick for the very same court. That person is Sonia Sotomayer if anyone hasn't heard.

In 2003, the New Haven Fire Department in Connecticut denied promotions to a couple of white firefighters despite their test results which were good enough to warrant being promoted. Why did they do this? Because the other test takers had been minorities and they didn't do well enough to be promoted. What does that have to do with anyone else in a fair society you ask? Well the New Haven Fire Department didn't want to be accused of being racist to all the minorities that had tested piss poorly despite the fact that the test results should have been enough to stand on their own.

The two guys who tested well enough to be promoted took the case to court and it made it all the way to a federal appeals court where Sonia Sotomayer sat on the committee. She put in her vote that the decision of the New Haven Fire Department should stand. Remember this is the same woman that said a wise Latina woman would make better choices than a white male based on her experiences, whatever the fuck that was supposed to mean. When a few people claimed that was a racist statement they were chastised for being too harsh and maybe a little racist themselves. Remember Barry said that his grandmother was a typical white person who was afraid of blacks or some such shit and it becomes painfully clear that stereotypical statements are okay depending on who is making them.

Some experts now say that many tests for promotion produce lower than average results for minority test takers. It's not that the questions have anything to do whatsoever with race, it's just that these experts say that minorities don't do as well when taking certain kinds of tests. How fucking racist is that statement? These experts have taken the fact that some people just suck at taking tests and tried to turn it into something else. They claim that while they can't explain it, some tests just produce lower than average results when taken by minorities. They have done everything short of stating that minorities just aren't as smart as their white counterparts. I believe it was Jimmy 'The Greek' Snyder that once made comments like this about blacks in particular and no one thought that was alright. I wonder if if he had just worded differently what he said about black football players being better athletes than their white counterparts, if people would have been as upset. Remember the movie, 'White Men Can't Jump'? Of course you do, but do you ever remember anyone getting all up in arms over the message that was sending? That movie said the same thing that Jimmy 'The Greek' said but in a different way and it was not only acceptable, it was a pretty big draw to the box office as my memeory serves me. Try to imagine if someone had made a movie called 'Black Men Can't Ski' and imagine the fucking uproar that would have caused. Reverse racism is alive and well and very much accepted in this country because everyone is too fucking scared to call it like it is.

Meanwhile, the white guys who were denied promotion because of this whole fucking mess are the ones who really got screwed. One of the men has dyslexia and studied up to thirteen hours a day to pass the test and yet there are people who claim that these tests were weighted against minorities. No, these tests were weighted against people who either didn't study hard enough or just aren't smart enough to pass. Why is it okay for people to say that minorities may not be as smart as whites when it is said in defense of minorities? I think that is such total bullshit. I know that the color of your skin has nothing to do with your brain power but these experts are trying to use the color of one's skin as some kind of crutch.

I don't blame the New Haven Fire Department for making the decision they did. They did it because they were afraid of the shit storm that would have have followed if they hadn't just thrown out all the test results. This is what affirmative action has brought us people. We went from hiring people based on merit and skill to hiring them based on color or sex in order to make the workforce more balanced. Hiring people has nothing to do with race and I would hire nothing but minorities if they were the best choice for the job that I need done, but if they weren't then I am sorry.

It may not be fair but that's fucking life isn't it?

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Michael who?

This week two American icons passed away. I am not talking about GM and the national economy but I wish more people would. Did you know that Barry said after the 'Great American Bailout Bill' was passed job losses would stop and unemployment would not go over 8%. Look and see what the average unemployment rate for the nation is now, I dare you. It's a good reason why you shouldn't make statements you have no chance of guaranteeing.

Anyway, the two icons I am talking about are, of course, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.

Farrah died from the cancer she had been trying to fight since 2006 and Michael died from an apparent heart attack. She was 62 and he was 50.

The sad thing is all this is that the difference in coverage these two have received since their untimely deaths occurred. While there is no denying Michael Jackson's status as the 'King of Pop' and his level of popularity, we should also remember that in her day Farrah Fawcett was one of the hottest tickets around. She posed for a picture that was made into a poster in 1976. That poster is the best selling pin-up poster ever. There were over 12 million copies of that poster sold and there aren't too many men of multiple generations that can't remember it. I think it's safe to say that hundreds of thousands of young men rubbed one out many a time staring at that poster and thinking about dumping a load on poor Farrah's face.

Michael Jackson on the other hand most likely rubbed one out many a time thinking about dumping a load on the faces of hundreds of thousands of young men.

I am saddened that while the 'King of Pop' is being glorified in death, Farrah Fawcett's dying was pushed aside like yesterdays old news. I am saddened because Michael Jackson was a pedophile and like O.J., he walked without being punished for his crimes. I am saddened because the world was not disgusted with him like they should have been and they still regarded him as the likable young man he once seemed to be. I don't want to wish anyone to die but I am glad that Michael Jackson won't be chasing small boys again. 'King of Pop'! Ugh, more like King of Popping One in Your Mouth.' Fucking pederast!

Dennis Leary once said that someone should have put a bullet in Elvis' brain when he was at the top of his game because then people would remember Elvis in a good way. I think the same thing can be said of Michael Jackson. Someone should have put him down sometime between the 'Thriller' album and 'Bad'. In other words after the nose job but before the dent in the chin surgery. Michael could have gone out in a blaze of glory and been remembered in the most loving of ways if he had burned up when his hair caught fire during the Pepsi commercial in 1984.

So, Farrah Fawcett is dead and Michael Jackson gets all the media coverage. I wish more people would stand up and remind us all that despite his musical greatness, he was still a child molester and one weird mother fucker to boot.

That whole family is fucked up if you think about it.

Farrah, thank you for the memories, your smile, that awesome hair, and thumb-sized nipples, which will not soon be forgotten.

Michael, I'm glad your dead. 'Beat it'.