Monday, November 30, 2009

'Schoooooooool's out; FOREVER!'

Today I passed in the last test of the last class toward my associates degree in pulp and paper technology. It has been a damned long time since I started taking those classes but it is over now and I am ready to celebrate a little.

Does this mean that on all those questionaires I am always filling out I can stop checking off the 'some college' box and start checking the 'some more college' box when it ask me what my education is? I think it does. It's funny that they always ask that because some of the smartest people I have ever met had the least amount of formal training. Weird huh?


The title to this is from an Alice Cooper song and if you didn't know that you may have not had too much formal eduaction yourself as every kid around is singing this song every May and June.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

What are you thankful for? I ask myself that question every year on Thanksgiving, even though I know I should be asking it much more often. Despite my cynical nature and the fact that it seems like I bitch about everything here, I am quite thankful for a lot of things. I piss and moan in my writings because it is my vent. I write down the things that piss me off instead of drinking them away or loading up a large caliber hunting rifle and heading to the local mall.

I am thankful for my wife and my children. They are the reason that I keep going and why I don't mind working seven days a week between my job and my fledgling business. I want my kids to remember that they didn't want for much when they were growing up. The hard part is instilling a sense of work ethic in them at the same time. I want my kids to understand that hard work usually offers the greatest rewards even if that is not always the case. Sometimes the hard work of Mom and Dad becomes the kid's rewards.

I am thankful for my parents and sister. I am thankful that we still live close to each other and that no one is more than a matter of minutes away rather than hours. I am thankful that my sister and her husband still live here and not away, because I know that someday that could happen. It's always a possibility when one person is from away to begin with, so it is nice to see that they are still here.

I am thankful for all the help and friendship I have from my dad. He has been invaluable to me in trying to get things off the ground and he has as much or more enthusiasm for the things I dream up as I do.

I am thankful that I have a job, and a damned good one at that. There's not much more to say about this, but it is an understatement just the same.

I am thankful for my extended family as they have always treated me like I was one of them from the beginning.

I am thankful for many things and while I will be resorting to my more cynical ways after this post, I thought I would mention some of them.

Have a nice Thanksgiving folks.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Judging a book by its cover.

The first thing I would say to those that read this would be to watch this episode of SNL. At least see the opening monologue and the SNL digital short which was completely hilarious.

Okay, about a week ago or so I was in Skowhegan and I needed to go to Wal Mart even though I claim to hate the place. I know that if I really tried I could do most of my shopping without having to go into that beacon of American monopolies, but it would be damned hard I think. After I got what I needed (or left wishing they had had what I wanted only to find that, once again, they didn't) I left the parking lot and headed toward Madison Avenue to make my way home.

I found myself behind a Jeep Cherokee looking at a pair of window stickers in the rear window. The first sticker, on the right side of the window, said 'Silly boys, Jeeps are for girls.' I let off the gas pedal and started to back off anticipating the girl driving the Jeep was talking on her precious cell phone and might forget that she was driving at a moments notice. I saw something that made me speed up a little instead and that was the sticker on the other side of the window. It said, 'When I have sex it's so good even the neighbors need a cigarette.' I chuckled and then a thought occurred to me. I decided I needed to see the owner of this brazen sticker.

I followed the Jeep halfway across town trying not to look like I was following her, which is exactly what I was doing. I would hate to be labeled a stalker but I was curious to see just what this person looked like considering the boldness of her sticker in her Jeep made for girls.

She pulled into the parking lot where Tractor Supply is located and drove up and around toward the Chinese restaurant before finally parking in front of one of the town's two 'dollar' stores. I admit that should have been a warning sign right there but I guess I didn't make the connection. I have a theory about people and 'dollar' stores. My theory is that there ain't no hotties shopping at the dollar stores except maybe the kind that are too young to be looking at in the first place. As far as those types go, I may be a lot of things but a pedophile, I am not.

Anyway, the woman (notice how I went from calling her a girl to a woman? It bears mentioning, considering.) got out of her handcrafted Jeep for Ladies and I was not surprised at what I saw. She looked to be about 50 and was closing in on BMW status quickly. For those of you that don't know, a BMW is a Big Maine Woman, and like I said, this woman was approaching that phase of her life rather quickly. She had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and was pretty scary looking to say the least. I say I wasn't surprised and I wasn't but I was a little disappointed. I figure that if you have a sticker like she had on your vehicle, you better be one hot looking chickie.

The weird thing is that I started to see some realism in that sticker as I thought about it. I figure that a woman that looks like she did probably goes so long in between the times that she actually has sex that it just might be that damned good when she finally gets some sucker in her bed. The neighbors probably need more than just cigarettes when she has sex. They probably need ear plugs and some Vicks to put under their noses to block out the smell of hot sex and ass. Things that make you go ewww right?

I am going to get a sticker that says, 'When I have sex it last 32.5 seconds, and then I take a nap. Sometimes my wife is there for it, sometimes, it's just me and old Rosy Palmer. I am too tired afterward to need a cigarette and I have no idea what the neighbors think of all the screaming or the sudden stopping of it.' Wow, that's going to be a big window sticker. Maybe I need to shorten it a bit. How about, 'When I have sex...Ha ha ha, who am I kidding?' Yeah, I like that better.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

That's so gay, I mean stupid. Ahh fuck it, I mean gay!

I saw this ad on TV last night and found it online today and just couldn't help but add my two cents.

I have no problem whatsoever with gay people and I recently voted in favor of allowing gays to get married in Maine. I just wanted to say that before anyone tries to peg me as a homophobe or some other anti-gay person.

What I do have a problem with is Wanda Sykes telling me what I should and shouldn't say. It wasn't that long ago that she stood up at a presidential dinner for Obama and told all of America that she hopes Rush Limbaugh suffers from kidney failure and then made a joking reference to Rush's addiction to pain pills. That's fair enough I suppose but here she is in this commercial telling people not to say something is gay when they mean that something is lame or stupid. Who made her the judge of what is appropriate and what is not? Fuck you Wanda Sykes and your two-faced commentary. I think you telling me how to talk is gay.

Tell you what Miss Sykes, you get all the black people in this country to stop calling each other niggers and hos and I will immediately stop ever using the word gay unless it refers to being happy or homosexual. Deal?

This country will be a lot better off when we stop being so fucking politically correct and start fixing real problems instead of the ones we continue to make up.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

I got you under my wheels....

I'd like to think that I am mature enough to not draw the wrong conclusion about women and driving but sometimes I can't help it. There is enough video evidence these days to show that some (and I do mean SOME not all) women should not be driving. I know there are men that shouldn't be driving as well but there just doesn't seem to be as much evidence out there to support that argument.

Here are a few examples of what I am talking about and my comments below them. Watch the videos first if you don't want any spoilers from my comments:

This one is precious not only because of the drive off but because I am willing to bet that the girl driving the BMW was on a cell phone when this happened. Who teaches their kid to just drive off after an accident like this? Probably the same person who put their kid/spouse in this kind of vehicle in the first place right? Sure, she could have bought it herself, but I am thinking anyone with the brains to have a job where she could afford this vehicle in particular would probably have enough sense to not drive over 2 fucking cars in the parking lot.

This one is older but certainly worth mentioning. Excuse me but how in hell do you manage to roll a car over while pulling into a parking area? If I had to throw a guess I would say that this poor girl was inept at best at driving a stick shift.

This next to last one is just pictures but there are some nice ones for sure.

This video isn't exactly a bad woman driver as she does a pretty good job even if her moves are a bit unorthodox. It's long but worth watching for a good laugh or two.

Friday, November 13, 2009

You have the right to...just about anything...

Two reasons why this country is so fucking awesome and so fucking screwy at the same time:

Major Nidal Malik Hasan. This is the asshole who shot and killed 13 people at Ft. Hood this past week and is now in the hospital after having been shot himself. The fact that he was able to get into the military, display questionable behavior, and openly question the role of Muslim U.S. soldiers, shows how fucked up he is and how fucked up the country is for letting someone like this even on a military post.

Here is what makes us a great nation even in this tragedy: After Hasan was shot and wounded, he was given first class medical treatment to save his life and then taken to a hospital and given round the clock intensive care and military and federal protection to keep someone from sneaking in there and killing him. Since he has awoken from his wounds and has started talking, he has refused to talk to investigators and has asked for a lawyer.

How many countries around the world would have given Hasan all this after what he did? I am guessing not too many unless they have the same laws and freedoms that we have regarding the right to an attorney. I don't agree with it all the time but everyone is entitled to be treated the same way just the same. I can imagine a lot of countries out there where Hasan would have been taken down and then someone would have just walked up to him laying on the ground and put another bullet right between his eyes. Personally, I am all for that kind of justice when a crime like this has been committed but that's just me.

The second thing that is really fucked up that's on my mind is the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas. These are the fuckheads that protest almost everything in the name of God and carry signs that say things like, 'God hates fags', and 'God hates the U.S.A.', and 'U.S.A. = fag nation'. It seems that the level of sliminess that these people are willing to go to, to state their position has no bottom.

Here's the great thing about America though. These assfucks can stand outside a place with their signs and say all they want and it's all legal. We have freedom of speech and so do they. As long as they don't hurt anyone physically or destroy property or commit other crimes, they enjoy the right to shit on everyone all they want. It's infuriating to me to see people using religion the way they are, but sometimes I think they embody more of Christianities true motives than most people are willing to let on.

Anyway, that's all for now. Remember to always vote and inform yourself by whatever means you can.