Saturday, August 22, 2009

A little slice of Mayberry part 1

I just saw a story on Yahoo news about the ten best places to grow up in this country. They listed ten towns and cities across the land which were picked based on safety and low crime and activities for kids to be involved in as they grow. They picked Boston as one of the ten because of its history but I don't know if it would have made my list because it isn't the safest place to live as an adult let alone raise children in. Any city that had an area known as 'the combat zone' doesn't sound all that kid friendly to me.

This list of good places to raise kids made me think of one more place that I would like to see added to it, and that is Maine. Not just a city in Maine or a town, but the whole state. Maine is one of those places where innocence still thrives and people can be who they want to be. I can't think of many places any safer to raise kids with the same abundance of activities. The difference is in the activities themselves. We don't have as many urban activity centers as other states do but is that such a bad thing?

Crime in Maine is at one of the lowest rates per capita in the nation with violent crime being equally low and that is a huge plus as far as raising kids goes.

In Maine kids are more likely to be hurt riding on snowmobiles, dirt bikes, ATVs, or working around the farm or log yard than they are by some criminal activity. You never want to hear about any kid getting hurt but you surely don't want to hear about them getting killed because of illicit activities.

The problem with Maine as most people see it is that there aren't any jobs and parents are too busy to try and make their kids find things to do to occupy themselves. Kids are plugged in today and if they can't have their cell phones, Internet, and video games they just aren't interested in anything going on around them. Maine is a hard state to live in at times because of the job situation and the weather we get and the fact that so many of the good places to live are rural in nature and that keeps a lot of people away. Is that a problem? I don't think so. I think that if someone moves to Maine and can put up with the bullshit in order to reap the rewards this state has to offer than that means that person is serious about being here.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Things you won't see in Maine, hopefully.

A while ago I wrote about the ridiculous size of sunglasses and I wanted to touch base on that one again. I have included a picture that not only shows how big sunglasses have become but also how small bikinis are becoming as well. Observe:

This picture makes me think of several things and believe it or not they do not involve any fantasies I have about girls in bikinis in general or specifically. The first thing that I am wondering about is why even bother with this kind of bikini bottom? Any bottom that shows that much of your twat is not really a bottom at all but looks more like the girls put their thongs on backwards. (Isn't twat a great word? Not quite as bad as cunt but still nasty enough to put a funny taste in your mouth. Ooh, that's funny.) They are blonds after all and I suppose anything is possible, but consider this. Wearing a bathing suit like these would be like a man wearing a bathing suit that covered his cock but let one nut hang out each side of the fabric. While that would be equally as funny as this picture is, what would the point be? When you have reached the point where you are failing to cover up the things that a bikini is supposed to be covering up why not just go to a nude beach and frolic in the buff. These bikinis show more flesh and underpinnings than some lingerie out there. I’m not talking about classy and sexy lingerie either but the nasty shit you find in the back of skin mags. The stuff that may or may not have already been worn when you order it.

The second thing I think of is the way girls bitch about g-strings because they can’t stand the constant wedgie feeling, and I have to laugh at what these bathing suits must feel like. Ladies, when you split the hoof like that does it give you the urge to pick at it like you do your ass when your undies start riding up? I can’t imagine how you would begin to embrace the feeling of having your cracks flossed front to back like that. I will say that for the small percentage of women out there that don't mind that feeling than it must make for a pretty hassle free wearing experience, as everything that is riding up into nether regions is doing so by design and doesn't need to be picked and pulled at constantly.

The third and most important thing that I wonder about when I look at this picture is the guy on the towel in the background. What exactly is going on in his field of view short of total nuclear war that would distract him from the view that I am seeing in front of him? I realize that I have just made a couple points about how ridiculous these bathing suits are but I am still a guy and I would be staring like a monkey eyeballing an overripe banana in a four year old kid’s hand. I would be staring because as much as anything, you just don’t see something like that every day where I come from and frankly, you wouldn’t want to. That's where the title to this piece comes from. I say hopefully only because if bikinis like this show up on Maine's beaches it won't be girls like this wearing them unfortunately. We don’t call the plus sized girls around here BMWs for nothing, (BMW stands for Big Maine Woman) and the last thing I want to see is some chick with a huge old muffin top trying to divide and conquer her pussy lips with a piece of cotton floss. The funny thing is that with a big girl the strings on that bikini would disappear into more cracks and folds than just the front and back and she might end up looking like she actually was completely naked. A BMW can make a regular bikini bottom look like a damn thong just by virtue of the stretch factor so you can imagine the strain that would be placed on something like this stringy piece of nothingness.

On a final note concerning bikinis in general maybe someone could explain something to me. A girl will wear a bikini to the beach and run around all day picking the seat of her ass because the bottom is too small and adjusting the top because her tits are too big and not have a problem with any of it. However, take the same girl and put her in regular clothes and look at her be mortified if a button on her blouse is open and someone can see her bra. I wouldn’t think that a girl who wears some skimpy bathing suit at the beach or pool would mind her underwear being exposed which is usually a lot more conservative and a lot less revealing as a result. What gives?

Monday, August 17, 2009

The people have spoken...and continue to do so.

Well fuck-a-loo and how do you do, it looks like once in a while things can get better after they go to shit. Our wonderful new president, Barry Obama of Barry's Used Car Sales, has finally seen the light and is backing off from his socialized medicine plan for all. It seems that he is going to shift from forced government health care for all to some sort of coop health care whatever that means, but the real meat of the story is that he is finally getting the word that socialized medicine is not what the people want.

I think the real problem is not universal health care as much as it is that we Americans don't particularly like being told what we can and can't do and how and when and where it will all happen. This country was not founded on the government running our lives, in fact it was founded on the idea that those early Americans wanted way less government in their lives. How in hell did we go from wanting to be free of government rule to expecting Washington to babysit us all? The democrats have been busy shooting themselves in the foot for the past few weeks by saying some pretty outlandish things about the throngs of people that have been going to town hall meetings to oppose the idea of universal health care. They have called these people un-American, part of the KKK, and Swastika wearing Nazis, among other heinous things. Nancy Pelosi was the one who said it was un-American to be against this health care reform bill. The Dems have not been able to accept that maybe people just want to be heard and that maybe it's the majority of people who are talking the loudest about this particular item instead of the other way around.

As much as I think we could use better health care management in this country, I still believe that we have as good a medical service as any country in the world. I think all that will change if universal health care is implemented. Why do I think that? I think that because as bad as insurance companies can be at running things the U.S. government has proven hundreds of times over that it is far worse at running things. Right about now, I wouldn't put the feds in charge if organizing a birthday party for my kids. They're the assholes that would put the pinata up and forget to put the fucking candy in and that's who people want to run their health care program? Wow.

Here's a suggestion. If people really want to see how great 'free' health care is all they need to do is take a trip to Maine and see how great the 'Dirigo Health Care' plan works. Let's see, that joke covers about 13,000 people out of a population of over a million and yet it is still broke. Hmm, sounds like something we should do on a national basis to me.

On another good note, several items brought forth by Maine citizens will be voted on this November third so please remember to vote regardless of what side of a particular debate you may fall on.

Here are the items as they read on the state website:

An Act to Decrease the Automobile Excise Tax and Promote Energy Efficiency

“Do you want to cut the rate of the municipal excise tax by an average of 55% on motor vehicles less than six years old and exempt hybrid and other alternative-energy and highly fuel-efficient motor vehicles from sales tax and three years of excise tax?”

An Act to Provide Tax Relief

“Do you want to change the existing formulas that limit state and local government spending and require voter approval by referendum for spending over those limits and for increases in state taxes?”

An Act to Repeal the School District Consolidation Laws

“Do you want to repeal the 2007 law on school district consolidation and restore the laws previously in effect?”

An Act to Establish the Maine Medical Marijuana Act

“Do you want to change the medical marijuana laws to allow treatment of more medical conditions and to create a regulated system of distribution?”

Monday, August 10, 2009

Code Code Go Away

I think my cold is losing it's power and I couldn't be happier to report that because the last two days have been pretty miserable. I think the next time I get a cold like that I think I will find out if I can be put in a medically induced coma until the bug is out of my system. It sucks when all of your days off involve shivering on the couch even though it is in the seventies outside, only to start feeling better just before it is time to go back to work. I don't care what the optimists all say, life is crap and then some.

I had plans today to go to the sawmill and work on the pine some more but I just don't feel well enough yet. As it was I finished moving all the old firewood out of the way so I can start processing this year's wood and that just about wiped me out. I think that I could go and lie down now for the rest of the day and still sleep tonight.

I am going to drop the Subaru off today to have the little surprise done for Bethie. I will talk about the results of that after it is done and she knows about it in the off chance that she should happen to see this post. She doesn't often look at what I write though I wish she would because she could be a good critic if she would take the time to slosh through the tedious stuff. Maybe there isn't anything even worth having a critic for in the first place, but I have reread my own stuff from time to time and thought it was passable for something worth reading. I need to get back to some kind of regular writing but the thing is that I find myself only able to think of the hot political issues of the day and who wants to read that right? The problem with political pundits is that they are preaching to the people who already think like they do and they aren't very often going to change any one's mindset on certain issues, any more than I could change a racist's mind or a person that is anti-gay. I want to get back to writing about the things that make me laugh and have dialogue and short but simple meanings. I started the first couple of chapters of a book with the working title 'David' a few years back but it was just a little too hard to keep it going and the subject material was something that people may have seen a little too often. The story started to take the shape of a veteran from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan but that's not what the original idea was about. The original idea was about a man who was severely limited in a physical capacity but was able to become a hero just the same. It was going to be an action based tale but I wanted it to have some depth as well. I think all our true heroes are the ones that are basically average when not in costume and that appeals to us because it lets us know that sometimes the little guy can win. Anyway, maybe I will go back to that tale and see if I can utilize some of what is already written.

On another note we had a great vacation this year at the coast and it was sad to leave. The weather could have been better but considering the amount of rain we had through the month of May and June, the weather could have been a lot worse too. We went to the Owl's Head Transportation Museum this year and then to the light house of the same name and both were nice with the lighthouse being beautiful. The kids had a great time and we are already looking forward to next years trip. My hope is that we will instill in them a sense of tradition that they will want to keep doing when they are grown with children of their own. If I ever win the Powerball I will have a nice piece of property on Maine's coast so that we can preserve a little of our heritage before the rest of the assholes sell it all off to the idiots from away. Fucking people piss me off and life is crap. Did I mention that already?

Today's video link is called 'Jones' Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage' and is quite funny. Look for the sequel in the related videos section as well:

Until next time...

Sunday, August 9, 2009

I hab a code.

I have a cold. One of those rare summertime head colds that seem to especially kick your ass. Maybe it's just because the weather is so nice out and yet I still feel like I am freezing that makes this cold seem worse than most others.

Last night I took a couple of NyQuil liquicaps and then drank a twisted tea and damn if I didn't still have a bitch of a time falling asleep. I could handle all of the aspects of any cold if I could just get rid of the runny nose and be able to fucking breathe. I could take feeling like my head has been run over by a damn steam roller and the congestion in my chest if I could just breathe through my damn nose. I have trouble breathing through my nose even on the best of days; which I believe is the result of an unfortunate diving accident at a campground when I was just a kid. I hit the bottom of the pool where it slopes from the shallow end to the deep end face first. That was a lesson in making sure you keep your hands in front of you when you dive in a pool and you happen to be as blind as a bat. Anyway, since then I have always had trouble breathing through my nose and when I get a cold it is just about unbearable.

I am listening to Britney Spears and even though I think she is largely a waste I will say that she has the ability to put hit songs on the radio that are catchy and hot. Ooh, Amy Winehouse just came on and holy shit if she doesn't make Britney seem like an innocent little kid with all her antics. What a waste of unique talent. I guess I will have to listen to Adele if I want to hear someone who sounds like Winehouse but doesn't seem to be all fucked up in the head.

I washed the car this morning despite feeling the way I do. Maybe I did it in spite of the way I feel. What I need to do is get over to the sawmill and saw some more lumber but I just don't think I am up to that task today. I think I will lay down for a little while and see how I feel when I get up. I am guessing that today will find me taking care of some firewood and the lumber mill will have to wait until tomorrow.

I want to buy a wood splitter. I am tired of renting and/or borrowing from friends and would like to have my own finally. Especially considering the fact that I cut and split so much wood every years and want to expand this into another business if I can. The splitter I am thinking about is called a Power Horse and is made my Northern Tool and it splits in both directions which would make the work a lot faster for me. This year I am looking to handle the wood at least one less time and that will involve cutting, and splitting as I go and throwing the wood in the back of the truck to be put in the cellar. That would beat cutting and throwing it and then splitting it and throwing it and then putting it in the truck and finally the basement. Ideally I want to buy a processor but I think that is going to have to wait a few more years until I get the sawmill paid for. The problem that I am having now is trying to find enough time in between the rain and work to get all these things done that I am thinking about. It would be easy if it was my only job but of course it isn't and I am not in a position to give up my real job for.

Okay, time to go lay down and wish that the end would hurry the fuck up and get here already. Ugh.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

I'm back! Whoopity Doo right?

Wow, it's been a while huh? What happened? Nothing much, just work and vacation and we finally got a stretch of weather that didn't involve rain 24 hours a day. I would like to think that I could be one the young and unemployed sitting there on their computers and phones, typing and texting and tweeting and all other such bullshit every day of the week but I just don't have the time.

I need to spend more time on these subjects and I will when things are dark outside and I am in for the evening, but for now here are three things to ponder.

1. Have you ever looked in the toilet (or terlet as Archie Bunker called it) when you were sick and wondered to yourself just what the fuck it was you ate that could possibly have come out at that velocity and in that consistency? I know you have whether you will admit or not and I can freely say that I have because I just came from the bathroom. I hope I remembered to wash my four typing fingers.

2. It seems that people are finally waking up to the nightmare of possible socialized medicine. A famous quote reads something like this: "If you think health care is expensive now, wait until it's free." Couldn't agree more.

3. The gay van is finally gone. We traded it in for a new Subaru Outback and I haven't been happier with a vehicle purchase in a very long time. I am actually looking forward to having some snow so Mrs. Moore can see how well the AWD with vehicle dynamic control and traction control all work to make the car go forward and not just sit and spin like that fucking van did. The best part is that I took advantage of the 'Cash for Clunkers' program which is hilarious because I do not support programs like this at all but I am not so much of an idealist that I was going to turn down a rebate of $4500.00 from the president. Now I say, "I sold my van to a black guy for $4500 bucks" in my best Earl Scheib voice. If you don't know who Earl Scheib is than you need to look him up just so you can see who I am imitating.

Anyway, more later but it is another rare and beautiful day and since I worked nights last night I should take advantage of what is left of the afternoon and go do some work.