Friday, June 5, 2009

Man-titty sunburn

Recently, I learned something new about my body. I should admit that it really isn't something new about this body that I occupy but I say it is new because I just realized it. I learned that my man-titties have now grown large enough to protect the area just below them from getting sunburned on those days that I go shirtless. I know this now because I just got a hell of a sunburn last week and my entire chest was fried save for that one region I already mentioned. I had two white patches just under each nipple where the boob pushed out far enough to provide a little shelter from the blazing sun.



Now I am peeling like a soft orange and scratching quite a bit. I think if I were a woman and i was going to lay in the sun nude I would want to be damn careful about the rate at which I tried to tan my body. Itching on the arm or shoulder isn't that bad, but I can now tell you that an itchy nipple or two pretty much sucks ass. As a woman I wouldn't want to wind up with an itchy pussy because you know I'd get caught fidgeting around with it or something and everyone would think I had a damned yeast infection or something. At that point I might wish I did have one because it probably wouldn't itch as much. I apologise to all those ladies out there who have had yeast infections and were about to tell me off because I don't know what I am talking about but thought better of the idea because they didn't want to reveal their medical histories to me.

Now, I am fully aware that I am one of the last people who should be going around shirtless, but the reason for it is twofold. First of all, when the temperature hits the mid-seventies and up and the sun is glaring down on me all day, I am probably going to peel the shirt off unless there is a serious breeze to keep me cool. The second reason I go without a shirt is more of a public service than anything else I guess. I go to the beach every summer with the family and every summer I see a lot of men walking around on the sand who look like they haven't been exposed to the sun in years. I decided quite some time ago that a tanned round body is a hell of a lot easier on the eyes than one that is alabaster white. I used to worry about what other people thought about how I looked and now I am just happy to show them a darker shade of me.

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