I'm free, free fallin'

I read a news story yesterday about a man in China who jumped off a bridge in an effort to commit suicide. Actually, he didn't jump but was pushed. He threatened to jump and a friendly passerby decided to give him a helping hand.

It seems that this bridge in question has been quite popular with would be jumpers and 11 other people have threatened to jump off it in an attempt to end their lives this year alone. No one actually jumped up this point and they were all talked down.

The man in question this time seemed to be of the same ilk as the rest of them, standing on the edge of destiny without the apparent conviction to carry out his last Earthly deed. A 66 year old man who was watching below managed to get past the police barricades that had been set up and made his way to the top of the bridge where he talked with the would be jumper for a minute before shaking his hand and pushing him off. The man fell the 8 meters to the ground and landed on a partially inflated rescue bag sustaining injuries to his back. He survived and was taken to the hospital while the pusher was arrested and taken away.

I can't say that I condone pushing someone off a ledge or bridge if they claim to want to commit suicide but I find it amusing to say the least that someone had the balls to call this man's bluff. The pusher made a statement as he was arrested saying that people like the jumper he pushed don't really want to commit suicide and they are just looking for attention from the government for their woes.

I would never make light of someone who was actually and truly thinking of killing themselves but for all those who just pull stunts like this I think it is funny as hell. I bet that if there were a designated pusher on every high place on the planet where someone might contemplate jumping from, the number of suicides by jumping would drop drastically. At least we would see who was really telling the truth about wanting to die wouldn't we?

I used to work with a person who talked about killing himself all the time and had even admitted to thinking about doing it at work with a piece of machinery. I had listened to this all I could stand one day and finally told the guy not to be killing himself at work. He told me that I didn't have to worry because he wouldn't mess up the cab of the machine he used knowing that I would be next in line to operate it. I told him that I couldn't care less about the machine or the cab of it, but that when quitting time came around I didn't want to be stuck up in the woods with the state police while they investigated his suicide. It sounded cruel but I had tried to console him with every angle I could think of and nothing worked so I resorted to being an asshole about it. The funny thing was he finally got himself a girlfriend who was horny like a toad and his talk of suicide stopped. I have no idea if those thoughts returned once he realized she was crazy as as she was horny because I left the job, but I do know that he still hasn't offed himself and I feel like I was a small part of that equation. Would I have felt bad if he had killed himself at home after telling him what I did? Perhaps, but in a way I was just calling his bluff because I didn't see him as the type that was serious about it. Most people that are serious about killing themselves don't talk about it, they just go ahead and do it before they start thinking better of the idea.

Please don't kill yourselves but if you feel that you must, please do us all a favor and just leave a nice note saying 'Goodbye cruel world' and do it already.

I am sorry if I have offended anyone by this but it is as tame as I could make it without totally diluting what I think.

I need to sign off now and start looking to see if anyone is seeking a designated pusher for the top of their tall building. I could use the work and hell it would be fun(ny) to see the look on someones face as I gave them the ultimate send off.