'Come on, come on, marry for the money...'

I had a conversation at work recently that reminded me of something that I had talked about with someone I know a few years ago. I'll mention no names in an effort to protect the innocent and the not so innocent.

The conversation that I had with the unnamed person had to do with people going to college and what colleges they went to. This person was talking about going to Colby College and then getting a job at the school as a secretary or whatever. Never mind the fact that it doesn't make any more sense to me now than it did then, it still made me come back with a smart ass (but truthful) reply.

I basically told her that if my daughter went to Colby and wasted a couple hundred grand to turn around and become a secretary at the same school I would probably smack her one upside the head. Needless to say, the girl felt offended and proceeded to tell me that there was nothing wrong with being a secretary.

I said, "I never said there was. I have no problem with secretaries whatsoever, but you sure as hell don't need to go to the most expensive school in the state to be one. Hell, I think you might even be able to work your way into a secretary job with a high school diploma."

She then told me that a lot of women will get the degree at the expensive school so they could land a doctor or whatever and the secretary job was just the means to the end I guess.

I don't claim to be any smarter than the next person but life experience does bring with it a certain amount of education. Life had taught me a few things now that I am on the downhill side to 40 and approaching fast and the rest of what I don't know I am pretty much able to intuit with old fashion gut feeling.

One of the things that I think I can safely say is that a woman does not have to have an education from an overpriced liberal arts school to land a doctor or lawyer or some other high dollar earning professional. Rather, I feel there are two of three things that a woman needs to possess. The first thing is an ability to live with and be around an arrogant asshole as that is what a lot of doctors and lawyers end up being. I can't necessarily blame them because their professions are steeped in it and they have had to claw and scratch their way up from the bottom with all the school and exams and bills and bullshit. Having said that, it takes a special person to be able to put up with that in the person that you are living with and usually you find that it takes someone who acts the same way. The only thing worse than a man who is an arrogant asshole because of his position and his money is a woman who acts the same way for the same reasons. I have never laughed as much to myself as I do when I think of every snotty person living in a rural town in a rural state acting like they are just a little better then the rest of us, only to find out they are more dependant on the rest of us than they would rather be. The same asshole lawyer or doctor who wants to treat his neighbor like a piece of old dog shit on his heel doesn't always dare to because that same neighbor has the truck that can pull his BMW out of the snow bank when he gets stuck. So a if woman who is looking to do some gold digging can put up with a douche bag she will have made it past step one.

The second and/or third part of this formula depends on the individual, but I will lay them out in the order that it occurred to me when I was thinking about all this. I've already said that you don't need to have the fancy education that cost Mom and Dad most of their life savings which you have no real intentions of paying back. A college education doesn't prove that someone is smarter than someone else and we all know this is true when we think of the number of morons we all know that have degrees. A person's wits don't come from college, rather they get the title they will apply to their resume in an effort to get a job or jobs later on in life.

But, just because you don't go to a nice school or any at all does not mean you don't have to have a certain amount of intelligence about you to make it with someone who is going to college for 6-8 years or even more. You have to be smart enough to put up with someone that driven, as well as being able to make them believe that you're not an idiot so they won't treat you like one. A doctor is going to want his wife to be able to hold a conversation with him so he feels like he can talk to someone who knows what he is saying at the end of the day.I'm not saying that bimbos don't end up with doctors because they do but that is the third part of my theory. If you didn't go to the fancy school to get the useless degree and you're rather numb than you need to employ other strategies. In other words you need to be able to suck a mean dick. I mean you need to be able to take that thing and show him how it's meant to be used, and not just that either. You better keep coming up with new and exciting ways to let him violate you. You need to do things to that guy that your mother didn't tell you about because she couldn't even imagine down to the level of depravity. If you're stupid (and if you're chasing a doctor because of the money then obviously you are) then you're going to have to do some freaky things in the bedroom and you're going to have to mix it up as well. You're going to have to do shit that is so crazy this guy won't cheat on you for sex because he knows that no one else is ever going to give him what you are willing to do. Will it be demeaning and demoralizing to be an unpaid hooker/porn star? You bet, but not as demeaning as the fact that you were gold digging in the first place.Obviously, the need to keep the face pretty and the body lean and mean plays heavily into this last one because it just goes with the territory. Freaky sex chick or not, no one wants a dumpy two bagger. The good news is that once you land him, his money will keep you in Maybelline and Botox for a long time to come.