Time to make the um, ah, hey what are we supposed to be making here again?

I saw something that instantly caught my eye while reading the news online this morning and just had to mention it. Police in the Lewiston-Auburn area arrested a man who allegedly held up a Dunkin Donuts for an undisclosed amount of cash.

While it may seem like an unusual target for a cash robbery, the first thing that popped into my head was, 'Well, he sure as hell wasn't in there trying to steal doughnuts!'

"What do you mean?", the curious reader asks.

Well, it's no big secret that Dunkin Donuts has pretty much become a great place to get really, really hot coffee and maybe a toasted bagel or two but they have fallen way short on the delivery of doughnuts. At least they have in this part of Maine anyway.

The fucked up thing is that it's not like they are running out of something they don't specialize in, but rather they keep running out of the one thing that they are supposed to be the best at. The word doughnut is in their friggin' name for God's sake, or at least implied. Maybe the misspelling is done on purpose so that when the masses finally revolt, DD can say they never intended for the 'Donuts' part of their name to mean actual doughnuts. That sounds like a conspiracy, but so does a place that was founded on doughnuts actually running out of product.

Imagine a couple different scenarios if you will: You walk into the local Burger King and ask for a Whopper and they tell you they are sorry but they are out of burgers. It's fucking BURGER King, how can you run out of burgers. How about if they told you the salad bar was open at the local Pizza Hut but no such luck on the Personal Pan Pizza. You'd be like, 'What the fuck?!?' I know I would be.

So, how in hell does something like this happen? I don't know for sure but I think it has more to do with the bottom line than even Dunkin Donuts would care to admit. I think that it started long ago when they stopped staying open 24 hours a day except in the bigger towns and cities in order to save on operating costs. It didn't take long for the convenience stores that do stay open all night, to step up to the plate and make sure the coffee was hot and cheap. Along with the decision to close early came the decision of not making doughnuts on site any longer and that hurt more than anything. The doughnuts are now shipped in once a day and when they're gone, they're gone, sorry.

So what do you do when it's midnight and you're craving a coffee and a donut? Do what I do and go to Tim Horton's. The coffee is better, cheaper, and there are always donuts in the racks. Oh, and make sure you tell all your friends that the reason you choose not to shop in a place called Dunkin Donuts is because they can't deliver on that one thing they are supposed to be able to.