Banging Cock in Bankok

I officially have to take my hat off for Mr. David Carradine. Not as much as respect for the dead but more as respect for the circumstances leading to his death. Of course, it hasn’t been proven yet, but rumors abound that Carradine died while practicing autoerotic asphyxiation.

For anyone who has spent their lives away from TV and radio and the Internet, autoerotic asphyxiation involves cutting off one’s air supply while masturbating. (That reminds me of a song: ‘I’m all out of air, I can’t breathe without you, I knew you were right, telling me not to choke myself while stroking it.’) The effect of depleted oxygen in the blood stream at the time of orgasm is supposed to be like Nirvana. I would most likely admit it if I had ever tried this but I haven’t. The reason I haven’t is twofold. First, I’d like to think that the orgasm is already perfected and doesn’t need to be heightened in any way. Second, I’ve read just enough stories about people dying while doing this and being found with their pants around their ankles and a stash of porn and/or lube at their feet to scare me off from the idea. I will say that if I were to try this I would make damn sure that whatever I used to choke myself would be self releasing in the event that I passed out. That just seems like autoerotic asphyxiation 101 to me but who am I to talk having never done it right? The other option would be to have a partner there to help you, but then why in the hell would you be masturbating in the first place? I don’t care how good an orgasm is alone it can’t compare to being with someone else.

The worst thing about dying from autoerotic asphyxiation is that it’s going to get leaked out and once it does everyone is going to know about it and even though you’ll be dead and gone the family you left behind will forever be talked about. People will say things like, “Oh yeah, that’s Margie. Her son died last year. He was masturbating and choking himself and passed out and died. Such a shame. And I always thought Margie had raised her kids better than that.”

Anyway, I mentioned that I needed to show some respect for David Carradine because of the way he died and I should explain that. I am in awe not because of the way he died exactly but more because he was masturbating at age 72. Seventy-fucking-two! Wow, that’s some serious kind of sex drive. I don’t know too many men that are still twisting the wrench at age 72 let alone choking themselves at the same time. What in hell am I talking about? I don’t know any men at any age that are. I know they all are but I don’t know any of them. It’s not like men sit around and talk about masturbation other than to admit that it happens. It’s fine to talk about it in a half joking, half might be telling the truth way, but that’s about it.

Here is my theory of what happened to Carradine. I think that he decided that he wanted to rub one out for whatever reason so he popped a couple Viagras and got everything ready for when the little blue pills started to do their thing. Once he was sufficiently aroused he got up on a little stool or whatever and put the noose around his neck that would choke his air off once he put the weight of his body against it. “Let the games begin Grasshopper”, he declared and was off. He does his thing and as his orgasm builds he slumps against the noose and starts choking himself. So far so good right? This is where it gets interesting and starts to make a little more sense. I think that David was close to passing out when he fired his gun but not close enough that he couldn’t recover without killing himself. No, what I think happened is that about two seconds after the grand finale he attempted to stand back up and his fucking hip broke, causing him to fall completely and give himself a barnyard strangulation.

That’s how the chambermaid reportedly found him, hanging there with a knot around his neck and balls having gone out in a blaze of glory. If it’s true, all I can say is what an ass. He had enough money that he could have had a whole team of whores in that room and yet he still wanted to choke himself while flogging the meat stick. What an ass.

Now, Mr. Carradine’s family has declared that they want the authorities to investigate his death. This means that they can’t come to grips (the way David did, heh) with how he died. If someone in my family died while jerking off I wouldn’t tell a soul. I would pray that he had a great time while it lasted and went out with a smile on his face but I wouldn’t tell anyone. I would hope that if I were discovered like that, no one would tell on me either.